Don't be a stranger

There was once a time,
To forget it, would be a crime.
The stage has now by gone,
The play though, is still on.

To recount this over and again,
My voice takes quite a strain.
You know this little quirky tale,
Lived long it has, and become stale.

To erase the past, safe it's not,

Spoken words, have become what?

The present, my friend, is all we have,

Forget not, we carry that we carve.

This strange new face, about I wonder.

Shades it has, makes my mind wander.
Is this grey mask newly worn?

Or the old mask, now thrown away torn.

Beauty and strength there to see
Are like green leaves on a tall tree.
Drained off color, they will fall,
To be stamped and crushed by all.

Success, my friend, is so strange.

Formless it is, and can change.

Character, you can shape only once.

Build it well, while still there a chance.

Oh my friend, you're in a dream,

And you will wake up with a scream!
For a world you paint, dear artist,
Has never been known to exist.

Oh my friend, you fly high.
Wings - you have, I don't deny.
But, a bird, away you fly past,
Is a bird less that's left to last.

Flap and fly, and go farther
And higher, and even further.
May you grow taller and stronger,
But, my dear friend, don't be a stranger.

That day!

Far into the future,
When success is a crony,
The doleful past behind you;
A sanguine curve on your lips.
That day!

Every step in your way,
With courage, you overcame.
The bloody foot-prints left behind,
Only to look back with pride.
That day!

Every passer-by you pick up,
Discloses a tale or two.
The simulacrum makes you wonder;
All the tales you saved to share.
That day!

Long after the banal phase,
With many dreams destroyed.
The ones that matter - you rebuilt;
All traces of the pain long lost.
That day!

Far into the future,
When you travel back here,
Lessons for the ones you made.
Win the smile you were promised.
That day!

PS: All that shattered was once built from scratch. All it takes, is the will to look back and smile with pride.

Eight years and counting...

The boy got down from the car, opened the back door and pulled out his bag. As he swung the bag on to his shoulders, he started complaining all over again. He wanted to press the facts and strike the right chords. "He called me naayae amma" (Mom, He called me a Dog), he said. He looked up at his mother, who was walking beside him, holding his hand, giving little attention to his whining. He had repeated the whole tiffin-box-pushing incident over and over since last evening.

As they walked into the school, he said, "You should scold him nicely. He shouldn't fight with me anymore." His mom did not respond. "Naan baatukku chaaptindu irundhen, avan gudhichaan3rd row lendhu" (I was minding my business and eating my lunch, he jumped from the third row), he repeated, "fulla kottiduthu" (It spilled completely). He went over the details once more as to how the other boy was being mean to shout back after spilling his food. He kept on grumbling about it, alternating the modulation between angry and sad, until they reached the chapel.

They came to a halt in front of the chapel. She let go off his hand and said "Avana ingakootinduvaa" (Bring the boy here). In no time he was running as fast as he could to II-A (2ndGrade - A section). His happiness knew no bounds. He couldn't believe that it was happening. He sprinted into his classroom and threw his bag haphazardly on a desk. He walked up to another boy, who was sitting in the middle of a group and said, "Stallone, My amma has come".

"Come, Come", he added victoriously, "Chapel la irukaanga. Nethu en tiffin boxa thalli vitta illa" (She is in the chapel. You pushed my tiffin box down yesterday right). Stallone looked petrified already. He did not know what to say. He looked around and the other boys looked bowled out too. He stood up trembling about what was going to happen. Left with no choice, the two started, while one looked comforted the other contorted.

There was no conversation throughout the walk to the chapel. As soon as they reached, Stallone started, "Aunty, he only first scolded me". "Amma, but he jumped and pushed my tiffin box", the boy shouted, his face throbbing with anger that Stallone complained on him. The boys kept telling on each other referring to the tiffin-box-pushing and recalling other instances from the past. Though it was a child's play, the enmity behind it was evident.

After listening to the nuances of the two boys, she finally spoke. She started by shushing her son. Then, she looked down at Stallone who was almost about cry out of fear and anger. She did not say a word. She smiled at him first, patted on his head and opened her handbag. She pulled out a couple of snickers and handed it to Stallone. Both the boys were taken by surprise. One was happy and the other was furious that his enemy was getting two of the few left over snickers his dad had got him. He didn't dare say a thing though.

"Both of you are good boys right?", she asked. Stallone nodded with a smile while the other boy was still staring at his mom for her betrayal. "Stallone", she said, "if you are his friend, you'd give him one chocolate". With no second thought, Stallone, still smiling, offered a chocolate to his new friend. "You", she nudged the boy, "if you are his friend, you'll take it". The boy wasn't quick enough, but he knew what would be the post-school consequences of denial. He accepted it with no change in mind or expression.

"Shake hands?" she prompted. Stallone gave his hand in acknowledgement, but her boy was still stubborn until he caught the expression on her face. She wasn't staring at him. She did not look angry. It was the smile*. The smile to convince him to finish his homework, to sit through music class, to not shout while she conducted tuition, to wash his hands before he ate, to go back to sleep after he had woken up from a bad dream, to pack his bags according to time-table every morning and more. He gave in. He shook Stallone's hands. "Go to class now and be friends", she said as the two boys, prepared to leave with one's arm around the other's shoulder.

That day, she taught her son, why it was important to be friends, to let go small things and how anger masked all the long lasting love that was buried beneath. He was too young to understand the implication then. But, he caught up later. Stallone and Sriraj (aka Chiju) were great friends till they passed out of school.

We're not in touch now, but I really wish he reads this.

Eight years have gone by.

Doesn't seem long, I wonder why.

For all that I do, see and breath,

Has you in it, is the truth.

Dedicated to my Mom who left to some other world, eight years back, the same day! (July 2nd2002). Today is my Mother's day! Miss you ma!

*The smile - The last chance for me to realize that I'm being unreasonable. Its more of the final convincing mechanism. Past the smile, trust me, which has happened many times, is really a nightmare. :) I don't feel bad about it today because I used to be such a brat. :P

Sounds of Silence

All the world's gone dark,

You could bring the lost light.

All the sky has gone grey,

You could spray it blue bright.

Beneath all the exhumed truth,

Lies an obfuscated proximity.

Behind all the promising faith,

Pricks a familiar uncertainty.

I wish you can see it -

A subterfuge to be broken.

I know you can change it -

To a world so ebullient.

Is it an inviolable sin to ask,

A mind to share the joy.

Is it an arrant mistake to wish,

A hand to wipe the tears dry.

To look back is dreadful,

A messy scurried past.

To look forward lies with us,

A future that is not yet lost.

I wait here for the benison,

It may be today, or never.

I stand here as the sentinel,

It could be impermeable forever.

DA VINCIT CODE

Every other day,

A smile you never knew why.

The tears you failed to try.

Every other day,

Success that came your way.

Failures that caused dismay.

Every other day,

Acceptance that made you fly.

Rejection that made you cry.

Every other day,

Just wanted to have your say.

Were you suspected to outplay?

Every other day,

Love that swept you away.

Hate that led you affray.

Every other day,

For something or the other you pray.

Will all that you wished, stay?

Success, failure, confusion, fear, appreciation, shame, disappointment, celebration, praise, luck, love or hate: all that was out of your control has a meaning that you did not attempt to look-up.

Life is always beautiful. Patience is the key. I learnt this today! Your day is on its way! Keep smiling! Cheers!

*Vincit means "to conquer" in Latin

ONE YEAR

I dropped off Santhosh after the movie and asked him to lock behind my bike, the helmet he was holding all the way. As he was getting the key right, I happened to witness a strand of clouds passing through the dark purple-blue sky. The beauty of the night electrified my senses instantly. I was in an environment that barely qualified to be street. It was a foul-smelling gully, with lots of people sleeping on the road. It was simply a typical slum movie setup. Yet, the passing clouds were one of the best sights ever. A realization hit upon me - Amidst all the dirty things, those passing moments make Life so Beautiful.

So, its been a year now. 365 days. If I look back, I can't even recall most of the days that passed by. It seems like yesterday when I spent my first night in Chennai, lying down with my face on the pillow, tilted ably to look at my cellphone as if one beep is going to make a big difference in my life. It did not beep until morning and when it did, it made sure that I started off to my first day at work with a smile. Smile - the curve that could be bent either way by the person who puts it there, in first place.

Its just been a roller coaster ride all the way, till today. I look back and see the many trips to Coimbatore, some yearned and some dreaded, the many Friends I made, the fun moments @ work and family, the new arrivals into the family, Appraisal and other events @ work, the loss of loved ones and the lessons learnt. All along, I have been making promises to myself and taking up tasks involving responsibility and commitment. The good thing about last year is that I completed SUCCESSFULLY few of those tasks and was sincere to all those promises. I also take pride in keeping up to the trust of most of the people in my life.

Thank God, things @ work have been smooth. I had a pretty good appraisal (not money-vise). I was astounded by some of those comments. Well, I always keep my expectations less, maybe thats the reason. The best part involves the many people that boarded the bus of my life. I got to know better, few people I barely knew before and made some good, witty, funny and sincere Friends. I pray to have a seamless work year again.

I've had people (someone or the other) around me as always. Masakali from Dilli-6 has been replaced by Beera Beera from Raavan. Breakfast @ Balaji Bhavan has become Breakfast @ Udipi Mess. Shifting from Madurai to Coimbatore has changed to shifting from Coimbatore to Chennai. Deccan Chargers were followed by Chennai Super Kings. These changes will repeat year after year.

But, there have been other changes as well; those that will have an impact forever. Those changes that play a key role in transforming a person to what he is gonna be, those that create misery to look back later and smile and those that create joy to look back later and shed a tear. Responding to these changes is the key.

Expectations grow exponentially. Last year's benchmarks have worn out. New goals are visible. The mistakes list has been freshly updated and against each of them is written a new learning. New friends are waiting to board the bus. And the list goes on.

To that day, I look back.

Withered leaves flying away,

Tight clutches being forced open.

Truth feeding on anxiety.

The apples of my eye.

To this day, I acknowledge,

The growing greenery,

Claws awaiting the rust.

A fresh batch of anxiety building.

The plucked apples in safest hands.

Looking forward to next year....

PS:

1) A big sorry to all those people whose calls I have not returned, whose scraps I've not replied, whose presence I've not acknowledged. 2010 has been really hectic and I'm slowing down gradually. Thanks a lot for understanding.

2) Cheers to all those who made it to Swathi's wedding. I look at the photos and I'm so happy that My Friends were the majority! I feel so important! :) :) THANKS A LOT PEOPLE!!!!

Glimpse

It was just any other day,

The bright morning, fading away.

All it took was a glimpse,

A breeze of momentary bliss.

A leisured day, full of work,

My senses, all on their mark.

All it took was a glimpse,

To disport me; with ease.

Like it were a tower of cards,

Collapsed my busy thoughts.

All it took was a glimpse,

To drain the colors off my face.

A dodging drama seemed apt,

Had I the time to enact!

All it took was a glimpse,

To hurl me way into the past.

Oh! How terrible it was, to miss?

Beauty of those twinkling eyes.

All it took was a glimpse,

A rushing urge of anamnesis.

Fighting again, to accept the loss,

Though afresh seems the way.

All it took was a glimpse,

To make my lovely day!

PS: Missing someone and accepting that, is a whole other thing. But, when it all comes back, you not only have to deal with the past, but also have to fight your way to the present!!!! :) :)

The Moon ride

A fun filled end to 2009, I should say. Overlooking half a dozen people who left us behind, the family has something to look forward to in 2010, which will see two wedlocks and thats good to keep us going for a long time. Further, I'm a would-be uncle to two kids (twins) from April '10. Brushing aside all mourning and sadness, we danced to the fastest tunes possible on New year's eve. New year in Cbe was back with a bang.

After all the celebration, some real estate research, routine work and a very special catching up, I got into for what I'm going to demand season tickets in future - ABT travels (Coimbatore/Chennai). The bus was not as good as always; the seat was smaller, space between the front seat lesser and so on. I was definitely not comfortable. The AC hadn't started to bite me yet, it was pleasant than it would be when I get up in the morning. Known for the perfect timing, the bus started sharp half past nine.

I did not have my headsets, which ruled out listening to songs. Hence, I decided to catch up with some old friends and started calling one by one. After a couple of calls, that lasted altogether for half hour, my dad couldn't take anymore (sitting next to a person catching up on the PJs cracked in college is not as easy as it sounds). When I hung up on the second call, he asked, "Do you need my mp3 player?" and I accepted it with gratitude.

I plugged in the headsets and tried to tune in Radio Mirchi or any other FM channel, but none of them had anything that I wanted, so I switched to my Dad's Harris Jeyraj collection and sank into the comfort of my pushback. As I rested my head, I was looking straight out of the black, transparent, sealed window, right up to the sky.

The moon, white with distorted black marks, a diameter of 5-8 cms (from my view) was travelling with me. I couldn't appreciate it at first, well, I would say, except for a couple of times in the past, never have I. I was reminded of a movie where a guy says that he looks at the moon when he missed someone and he could see that person there. At that time, I thought, well, the script writer had tried to break the laws of video conferencing. :P

I was just looking at it with my mind all blank, eyes open to the occasional texting. It was literally following the bus, well, it could have actually been inside the bus as a co-traveler. I kept looking at it, and it slowly started to sink in what a beautiful sight it was. A small ball of light kept me company, like a ray of hope amidst pitch silence. The player went into playing "Azhiyilae" from Dhaam Dhoom. The plucking sound in the background and the soothing vocals blended with the scene. It was definitely romantic and I had agreement on that.

I played the song over and over again and kept staring out. At times, it would go out of the sight, as the bus followed the highway and I would have to either adjust the curtains or wait for the bus to come back on track. This happened for a long time and I never knew I fell asleep, until around 4AM when I woke up and found my mobile still on my lap and a void where my companion shone bright till I remembered.

Oh fellow traveler!

I see in you,

Maybe what I missed.

Or what I may have now.

For time should say,

What I would retain?

Hope is all I carry,

Worries are all put to bury!

The silence, the light,

The happiness, the love.

Tonight's moon ride,

Would stay forever with pride!

Once again, Happy New year everyone! Lets together wish for the coming true of all that one hopes for and that one goes places in 2010.

Yet again! Not again?

Not a long time ago,

I was sitting at this play,

Simulacrum of enactments still stay.
But, the lead role will go.

Why it makes me wonder?
The cliched acts dedicated,
For a well-being life, unaware.
The more sacred, the more scared!

Holding the torches to good will,
Carefully alighted the whole time-
Only to see blackened grass,
Soon after we put it out.

The non-sync percussion sounds
The reddish yellow images,
The heated drops and consoling words,
All dedicated to Mother Nature.

Every time I see this play,
Fades the need to explain.
For, the more I understand,
Lesser the questions unanswered.

I stood by the commotion over silence,

My mind, no longer ignorant.

Of the difficult of times that unveiled,

Yet, my promises stay put.

If only I had

If only I had undisturbed sleep,
Unraveling the mystery of many dreams.
Many a missed smiles, retained.
Many disappointments, avoided.

If only I had known the magic charm,
Bringing down the angels and stars,
I'd have crafted the wand and,
Reached it with the longest taken arm.

If only I had the chance to display,
The beautiful portrait I had painted.
Faded off its beautiful flair -
For the colors were taken away.

If only I had chosen the right words,
Would have conveyed more than warmth.
Perhaps, concern did over-shadow,
The depth of love beneath.

If only I had seen what I send,
The train would have halted.
Locking the eyes that caught mine,
All it said was Good-Bye!

If only I had all of it,
Need not an asleep thumb-sipping child,
To keep reminding me -
That life is indeed beautiful.

If only I had gotten the nod,
I could claim Thou Blessed,
For my beach walks be decorated,
With a cute, extra pair of foot prints.

Love you forever

Ain't it only been a story,
Forever I needn't be sorry.
Earlier, had I known you?
Easier, could I have swayed you?

Thou sent misery once -
Questions I had in tons.
No choice had I but accept,
For - with You, He explained it all perfect.

Terrible was the journey,
So light it seemed as I saw You and me.
Eclipsed was all the fright -
The more I held you close and tight.

Tears was the adieu I had,
For, traveling far was a craving mind.
Not realizing until again what was true -
All You, You and only You!

Letting you know how I felt,
Fair enough to you, I thought.
A stubborn million words,
All hidden under locked doors.

And one day did I find the key.
Fair would've been to me,
Had only the key worked -
With all the doors you closed.

Love was all I asked you,
Though shared was it long ago.
Had it only been so easy -
As falling for you little daisy.

Looking back I see and yearn,
All the lovely moments we'd drawn.
Though tough its gonna be,
My first love you'd always be.

Well, the crappy poet is back! :)

PS: I came across this story of a guy who has explained how much he loved this girl. It was so touching and I wanted to write about it. The small poet in me thought, why with sentences? Why not with a poem?

Looking up and around

I look up and around,
A fresh breeze blows within.
An occasional smile.
The aroma of fresh filter coffee -
I get going.

I look up and around,
A swarm of bees flying around.
I search for the INVISIBLE hot-air vent
But in vain.
I keep going.

I look up and around,
Its definitely time for a break.
I signal for some time,
But I know.
I will have to go.

I look up and around,
They don't want to frighten you.
But, their look does.
Don't have a choice,
I better keep going.

I look up and around,
The steam engine at its peak.
Calm faces of the cuter sex,
Work better than the chillers.
I know I have to keep going.

I look up and around,
Known faces beaming at me.
Meaningless blink of the eyes,
They seem to keep going.
I try to keep going.

I look up and around,
The back of my head exercising.
Hunt for freshness starts,
I know it doesn't exist.
But, I have to keep going.

I look up and around,
Few called it a day.
Few laze around.
Few stay put.
I force myself to keep going.

I look up and around,
There are definite echos.
Yet I'm still here.
I'm not lonely.
No other go, have to keep going.

I look up and around,
Feel the souls resting.
Spot-lights on the rest,
I work a smile on my lips.
I keep going.

PS: Dedicated to all those I ditched this weekend. Sorry guys! I have to keep going.

Seven years later

Seven years later.
Millions of seconds ticked away,
Should have been any other day.
But, my world had a great sway.

Seven years later.
Never did a thought ring,
You never told a thing.
This sad song - I'll forever sing.

Seven years later.
Many of the zillion things you told,
"Too early", I wondered.
Time is what you never had -
Much later, I understood

Seven years later.
Always, made you feel bad,
Yet, beside me you stood.
Once I made you proud -
Were you too satisfied?

Seven years later.
However lost I was,
Never had to look for the way.
You had me find your hand - end of the day.

Seven years later.
Made me look at the Gods everyday.
I carry the habit even today,
Pains though, to look at you and pray!

Seven years later.
Never did you let anyone serve.
Would have only been fair,
Had we a chance to fight.

Seven years later.
The many times I've walked the streets,
Unhappy and in despair.
Someone known to you, I meet,
Believe, you sent them to repair.

Seven years later.
I thought you were selfish.
Never realized I was foolish,
Until I saw what you had left behind.

Dedicated to my Mom who left to some other world, seven years back, the same day! (July 2nd 2002). Today is my Mother's day! Miss you Ma!

PS:
1) I'm attempting poetry for the first time. Poets and poetry lovers, forgive me for bull-shitting the style. More than anything, the content mattered to me.
2) Its good to be emotional once in a while, shows you are still alive inside.