The cast - Part II

So, resuming this series (am surprised too), I'm describing a few characters from Lost in the remaining parts. I'm choosing these characters because they walk among us (or at least shades of them do). Even without watching the series, you could relate to these characters. I'm trying to be as generic as possible for the benefit of people who haven't seen it and are interested in reading.

Charlie, The Loser (or so he behaves)

I thought about the tag (loser) for a while before I started writing. This character is many things, but to bucket all of them together, I couldn't think of a better tag. The part of Charlie is one of the best enacted characters in Lost (played by Dominic Monoghan). The idea I guess was for the audience to hate him (remember Snape in Harry Potter). You would have seen many a Charlies in your day to day life. He is talented, sweet, responsible and righteous, all of this by nature. The good characteristics fetch him a brief stint of success and fame. But, he is also naive, weak and too dependent that makes him lose all of it, while being exploited by someone he always trusted (in the series it's his elder brother). Had he dedicated half of the time and energy spent for this one person, for himself, he'd have made something out of life. In the end, when this person not only leaves him behind in a mess, but also takes everything away, he is way lost.

He has to choose between cutting a sorry figure and clinging on to the brief success story. Unfortunately, the world is too huge that most of them don't recognize short term success stories and the rest are too forgetful. So, picking the latter option doesn't work out for him well. He ends up feeling like a loser, feeling unwanted, being very needy and ends up cutting a sorry figure anyways. An act of recovery follows, trying to tag along where he doesn't clearly belong, resulting in more loneliness, self-loathing and searching for someone to blame so that he feels good momentarily. Even writing about this character is really tiring and pathetic. There is a only a small difference between people of this kind whom you hate and whom you don't. The latter ask for help or accept that they cannot be helped and stay out of the way.

The writers score for the symbolism of choosing the profession of a rockstar for Charlie.The resistance he shows to getting fame drunk and sticking a needle to play the part is the depiction of nature, while giving in to temptation scoops in the weakness associated. Personally, he was at the top of the hate list for me. Every time he came close to an adventure, I wish the writers killed him off. The character was too irritating to take. And finally when he dies, you feel sorry for him (again Snape). The final touch of "Greatest Hits" where he pens down the top five moments in his sorry life is the touch.

Sayid, The Go-to-Guy

We know this dude, don't we? When all hell breaks lose and there's good surety that we are screwed, we go to him. We know he is the only person who could get us out of it. He is not a leader, but more of a loner. He predicts methodical failure, but, we ignore him and he doesn't insist. But, he is there to clean up the mess once it's well and made. He is powerful and doesn't speak much, we can piss him off easily and the more we talk to him, he figures us out. His judgement almost always hits the bulls eye. There is a sense of calmness about him that earns him our trust. We can let him down and ignore him, but, when something's wrong, we better have him in the team. The reason is that he is strong, more mentally than physically.

Breaking out of the external view of this character and learning about him reveals the secret behind that mental strength. The seasoned mindset roots at the repeated challenges thrown at him in terms of the choices he had to make in the past. In the series, he has a dark past of being an Iraqi Republican Guard Interrogator (fancy word for torturer) in the Gulf War. In real life, this guy probably isn't a torturer, but may have taken care of his siblings from a very young age (maybe protected them from an abusive parent or family) or something that requires lot of patience and personal sacrifice to fight through.

Naveen Andrews perfectly fits the role of Sayid. He has played it with such finesse that you like the character and the actor equally. Sayid is probably the only character that was a constant throughout the series. He made a choice once and that brought a realization of the darkest deeds that he is capable of. He is angry at the realization and he is lost in the anger. He consciously tries to recover, but life always puts up that choice in front of him, always with the option of his darker shade. That choice becomes easier to pick because he knows that he is a natural. The nine year search of the one right choice (his sweet heart) he wants to make is finally successful. But, when she gets murdered soon after, it pushes him permanently into darkness. For Sayid, this consistency is the writers' touch.

The cast - Part I

Revisiting something that you liked is always an inspiring act. Not many do it. Most people can't watch a really good movie more than once. The mundane task of investing time and effort to go through something again is an imminent waste of time. Then, there are the hopeless romantics including the one writing this prose. For us, somethings can never grow old. Every time we go back, we may lose a lot of time, but, there's always some gain. Something we missed the first time around, that makes you go - "How did I miss this!". Having quoted that, a couple of weeks ago, when I tried selling the concept of 'Lost' to my sister in law, I saw the first two episodes along with her. She did not buy it I assume (as I use the same Netflix account as them and only I have resumed watching it).

The first time I saw Lost was in 2010, when Navneeth recommended it. It was a humdinger, but I watched it in such speed that I did not understand most of it. The story takes crazy turns and after a point, it's almost impossible to keep track of what they are doing. Like the many million Lost fans I was utterly disappointed with the climax. But, I strongly believe that it was a huge success because of the way the characters were written. The script was etched with utmost sincerity to each and every character. It's indeed true that getting the characters right puts the story telling process in auto-pilot. I finished the entire series in less than a month, bragged about it for a while, got a bunch of colleagues to watch it, awed along with them and forgot entirely about it in the next series (How I Met Your Mother I think).

Almost a year later, I read this blog by Sudhish Kamath on a lazy day in office. I couldn't but rush home and reach for my hard disk to start the re-run on the very same day. This time, I started relishing it episode by episode to such depths that I literally lost myself in to it. A brutal scolding from a dear friend made me snap out of it and I forced myself to stop halfway through the 3rd season. My dad was away visiting my sister and I was staying alone in a two-bedroom flat. It took some strenuous effort of fighting crazy thoughts, a lovely engaging team at work and my dad's arrival (after two months) to recover entirely from it. Over the years, my mom, dad, sister, friends and many well wishers have warned me about the way I get attached. But, that was the first time I ever realized that they were right about it. It was the first of the three lessons I was ever taught about why getting so attached is not the healthiest of choices.

It was something about that time of the year I guess. Again, another year later, I totally sold the concept to Aneesh, who was also my roommate at that time. We weren't very busy at work and we went on a Lost spree as we rushed through the first 4 seasons in almost no time. The look of amusement and amazement on his face every other time the writers beat the odds made it more interesting. By the end of the fourth season, I had to travel to US for a two month visit and I had to resume the last two seasons in my hotel room alone. This time, the effect was eclipsed by the awe I felt for the climax. The nuances of story telling was a huge win (a triumph of story telling in Kamath's words). True to the title and theme, each character was lost in it's own way. The island is just a metaphorical prop used to convey that they were all indeed lost in their life with oozing class of screen writing.

A year and half later, thanks to my sister in law, I am revisiting Lost for a fourth time. In this busy schedule, the only other thing I have been able to do is to see Lost. A long weekend and another normal weekend was lazily spent in rushing through the first four seasons. When I talk about Lost, I always mention how our outlook of each character changes as the series runs it course. The least favorite character would become the most favorite. How many people liked Jack through the first three seasons as much as they hated Sawyer? And how they swapped places in the last three seasons. However, this transformation of animosity was achieved without disturbing the consistency of the characters. A classic example of how the thing you love about someone is almost always also the thing you hate about that person. It's one of the best exhibition of situation characterization that I have seen.

Through one pair of eyes, I can really see how this can be looked upon as a waste of time, but, the least it did was (along with the inspiration from a new blogger on the road) kindle the little bit writing I pray is left in me. I started out with something in mind and I got lost and ended up writing a whole blog on what I thought as the introduction. But, I'm leaving the title as it is, as at least at this point, I'm able to see a series of posts (a couple or so more) spawning out of this one. That's the least justice I could do to pen down my thoughts about the Cast of Lost. 

Nine months that...

I strongly belive that life never hands out anything that one can't handle. The funny part is that there are always times when one feels why life gave him/her that much credit.

Nine months since I stopped writing in this space. The nine months like any other nine months that taught me something or the other. The nine months at the beginning of which life as I knew it was reset. The nine months at the end of which begins probably another significant time period. The nine months that altered a lot of things about me, my lifestyle, my work, my happiness, my dreams, my livelihood and even the city/country I lived.

One year ago I wouldn't have dreamt of visiting The Great Wall of China (of all places). But, I was there last Friday, not just there, we climbed up to the top most point possible, and not just that, it snowed heavily, like a storm, just for 10 minutes - the same 10 minutes we chose to be there. The timing was simply brilliant. Call it God. Call it Nature. Call it Science. Call it Music. I know it was one thing. Bliss.

Life is all about such wonderful timing. It keeps on springing surprises - some good, some bad. You never get to settle down. If you are ambitious, and go for something, you may get it, sometimes really quick, but, it never comes alone. There is always the package that comes along, and at the top of the list are people who think you didn't deserve it. Somehow the most fitting explanation becomes luck or right place at the right time. It is only temporary though. Bad times come back and all those people you always looked out for, stood by and stood up for will be too busy to even notice that something is wrong. Suddenly, whatever you say, whatever you do, is controversial. In the end, you get hit where it hurts most - that blank stare of insignificance as if you were nothing but a piece of botheration. No one has the time to sit and think. Even Newton didn't bother coming up with a fourth law once he figured the third one out.

And with a big mouth, all this becomes even more harder. If the timing is not right, more often than not, you talk yourself into situations than out of them. After living a childhood full of lies (so many of which friends and family still believe to be true), I eventually gave the habit up because decieving had become so easy. Then I stepped in to an industry where truth has no value. Everybody wants to play mind games, extract information indirectly (someone needs to tell these duffers that all they have to do is ask), spam mail boxes and expect you to spam theirs as well in the name of keeping in the loop, say thank you when they don't mean it at all and the biggest scam of all - diplomacy.

Is life that hard? When you sit down to think about all the zillion people who always seem to be happy, you realize that it's no magic. They are human beings too. The common factor in all those zillion people I know is that they absolutely know who they are. They give credit to what they can and don't commit to want they cannot. It's impossible to be perfect (at least to the eyes of everyone) because perfect is such a relative term. In the quest of being that perfect son, perfect brother, perfect friend, perfect employee you end up being an imperfect self.

Amidst all this, what makes life worth it are those small moments like the snow in great wall, looking at a random set of characters that your 2 year old niece types in to the IM window while chatting with your sister, sharing a silly laugh with your colleagues over tea or that persistent hope of goodwill that this will pass on. The moments where ego doesn't matter, moments when you could be yourself rather than being correct. A world where people look for relationships rather than perfect match. A world where people leave their business strategies at the shoe stand (and the shoe stand at the entrace or outside of the house). A world where the excited tweeter doesn't get blamed for Sachin getting out in the 90s.

It has been a great nine months nonetheless. If all goes well, I'll write more and more about it. Eitherways, one important lesson that I'll never forget is that I'm not perfect and I will never be. Most importantly, I'd expect nothing less from the people around me.

How to name it

Sometimes you want things. Sometimes you want them so badly. Sometimes you just know you want them but you are nowhere near to getting them. Most often than not, you end up not getting it. "Oh! What's with the pessimism Chiju?" Yeah, I heard that, but keep reading. Sometimes you know you want the thing and you know you may not get it, but you put your heart and soul in to it. You work on it a little bit everyday. But, no one notices. No one understands you, what you are doing and why you are doing it all the time, until, one fine day. You make it there.

There is a phrase in Tamil that says "vaayala vada sudaradhu". A colleague calls it (for "security" reasons of course) "Mouth Vada Frying (MVF)", in butler English. People brag all the time about all that they can do. I do that big time. But, when you see them get in to the field, you'll realize that it's just about all the theory and not one bit of application. Yes. I'm guilty of that most of the time. But, once I've committed something (except if it's about me pulling down) to someone, I think I've met the expectations. Anyways, this is not about me. So, let's leave that there.

If you ask me about it, sample out people randomly off the street and I'd say 17/20 are experts in MVF. Most of them, not by choice. As my gtalk status used to read, the reality bitch sucks (TRBS). We just don't get to keep our word. So, what about the other 3? How do they achieve what they want? How do they do it so seamlessly? It's funny to think that we live in the same bitchy world as them.

In this world that's full of so many successful people, you can never go short on inspirations. Sometimes, just talking about your past to someone will make you realize that what you've pulled in the past is more than what you think of yourself right now. Throw "Past is Past" at my face and I'll fling it right back at you with it's not about living in the past, but, living out of it.

To make it there needs something extra. Focus! If the focus is on the little piece of the puzzle, you are likely to lose interest soon. But, if it's all about the big picture, someday or the other, all the pieces will fall in to place. And to say that, I may not have achieved anything, but, I've seen people who have. People who I had all my life, people who are living so close to me that I wonder why I never thought I should learn something from them.

People who never reacted to that all that negative criticism, when all I did was achieve those small points, impressing people that didn't matter and creating an impression about things that didn't matter. In short, I never really was sure about the big picture. The past few months have been very humbling and it's literally like being reborn. I have learnt to be a lot more patient, keep to myself and most important of all - I now know that there is a big picture.

In short, it's all about the focus. If you think you are doing the right thing by starting with chiseling the big mountain, keep doing it. That's advise for myself. Take it if you feel it applies to you.

It's so refreshing to have written one full post here after 6 months. See ya folks. :)

Doppelgangers

Yeah, you got that right. I just ended the two week HIMYM (How I Met Your Mother) marathon. For, those who did not get it right, long story short, a guy called Ted Mosbee sits down his kids and walks them through the story of how he met their mother. I just finished five seasons and so far they have shown only the legs, a yellow umbrella, a guitar, a toy bus and a book of the mother. So, 5 x 24 episodes are just about all the stupid things Ted does in the process of meeting their mother, including telling a girl on their first date that he loves her, getting a butterfly tattoo, getting dumped at the altar, turning into a blond and many more.

There is a concept in the series about how the gang meets each of their look alike at some point - The Doppelganger. I admit that it does sound stupid, but, I was impressed with an incredible explanation in the end of the fifth season. The doppelganger is nothing but the past us. All of us look back at some point and wonder, "How different would it have been if I was the same!" - the most amazingly ridiculous wondering ever.

The truth is that all of us including me have wondered or will wonder this at least once. The funny fact being, we wouldn't have changed at all. The moment we wonder about what has changed is exactly when the transformation starts. Simple reason - you only see the change you want to be.

There is one trait that every human being is blessed with - putting up an act. I'm not talking about role play. The best use to which this acting trait is put - the act of change. We have no one to blame because accepted is the fact that it take guts to go back to being the same lousy person after a failure. Of course we are all true to that attempt of bringing about a change until anxiety plays the spoilsport. Anxiety is most dangerous when it builds images of the future, one over the other and pins you down until you give up and say, "Screw it".

Typical follow phrases of Screw it include: One more cigarette; Gym definitely starting tomorrow, so, Dominos today; She needs me now, I'll be all cool from tomorrow; I don't think I love him/her; I'll study for the next periodicals; I promise to save from next month.

 

The result is we end up doing the very same thing we promised ourselves and a whole bunch of people that we wouldn't do ever again. That brings us to promise - the next in line killer, the characteristic of the vulnerable. Why promising is dangerous, especially if you are vulnerable, is that most often you aren't going to keep the promise. The result is the next in line - Guilt, where destruction begins. Even the so called mighty, the ones who don't break easily, get crumpled by guilt. Why its the worst is that, guilt, unlike the rest attacks the roots directly. Once found guilty, your confidence is shaken, and with confidence trembling, you who are standing on it, gradually fall down.

My point. People trying to change and by people, I am the first implication, should understand that change is not whatever you intend, but is that what eventually happens. No, not immediate fast food temporary change. The time period is undefined and differs depending on God knows what. But, it will happen someday and so, you will meet your doppelganger until which you might not even know whats different.

What good can come from taking an example of a stupid TV series? Of course the series has to be stupid. I don't think it would have gone past the pilot if the title was How I went to the Head of the Class. Getting real, everyone of us are Ted Mosbee, only, the object mother differs. What you learn in the process of finding the mother is what is important. Maybe that which separates the doppelganger from you is a wound that may never heal. The best part is that the wound is not something to cry about, but to be proud that you have come this far.

PS: I have a strong feeling that, in the end, Ted is going to tell the children that they are adopted. True Story! :P

If only

Like any other software affected engineer, he would have been coding and testing, complaining loudly about the stupid process that many of us follow, just for the sake or to blindfold the process audit team. If I listen carefully, I can hear the very words he would have been telling about all that did not make any sense. I never pictured him sitting in front of a computer for a job, but he was definitely more than capable to excel in it. Who knows? Maybe he would have ended up in a core company (mechanical engineering based). Yeah. He would have been perfect in one of those heavy-weight industries working on huge machines, not worrying about what attire he wore or how to for-the-sake impress his supervisor, but sincerely concentrate on what was his duty.

If he was in Chennai, which is typical him (can't imagine him anywhere else), Santosh and me would not only be picking the other up for the regular night shows, instead we'd be on two bikes with him as the pillion rider with one of us. We would have been laughing at his gimmicks and unbiased criticism about the over made scenes in a bad movie. In fact I can for sure say that he'd have been Santosh's roommate and it would have been fun going over to their place and listen to them pull each other's legs. How different it would have been for so many people? It pains that I could only write about this an it would never ever happen. Rajeesh succumbed to blood cancer, the same day, five years ago.

I knew him only like any other classmate. He used to wear a big streak of sandal on his forehead everyday. He was this typical mallu boy, which was marked clearly in his Tamil accent. We were all just a set of nine-year olds who knew nothing much, other than to fight for silly reasons and not even remember any of it the next moment. I have fought with him so many times (actually I've fought with everyone as part of being the jerk of jerks), but there was no much connection with him, at least not any that comes to my mind. We used to go to the same Hindi Tuition in 6th standard and we used to play cricket at his house if we could squeeze in time before/after the tuition. I used to really scared to enter his house because of his dog.

Towards the later half of our 10th standard a set of our classmates used to play cricket everyday in a ground near his house. It used to be fun teasing him and have him tease me back for not being able to catch the ball even if it was thrown straight at me (the Chennai 28 Premji Amaran type). Thats when I got to know the proper him. To say that he was God-fearing is an understatement. Anyone who has spent little time with him would have noticed him praying then and there. I don't think he has even hurt a mosquito in his life. We were getting along really well and as fate had it, he was denied admission in our school for eleventh grade. A stupid mistake made by some office staff lost him his admission even though he had gotten enough marks to get in. The worst part is that the school staff blamed him of submitting the application late, which was a bloody lie. He had to go to another school and we lost touch again.

We are meant to cross paths with some people no matter what. I was so happy to hear that he got into Amrita, but he was in mechanical department. He was not the regular college student type. He was different and everyone knew it. People including me used to tease him in and out for each and everything but he was such a sport. Well, he knew me well enough to hit back at me and shut my mouth. A year passed by and we had so much fun with visits to ARC Pani Puri Stall after getting down from the college bus, couple of movies and the hilarious best of all, the combined studies. He used to teach me Engineering Mechanics without which I'd have flunked in the first semester only. But, it took one more semester to bring out the true potential in me. I flunked Electrical Engineering. It was horrible. No complaints. I did not learn crap. However, the 3 Idiots formula of "If your friend fails you feel bad, but if he passes you feel worse", worked well with me. All those I thought would fail with me had gotten through and a shattered me went home. I was waiting for my dad to go out so that I could burst into tears and cry and thats when I got his call.

"Sollu da. Evalo GPA?", I asked him. ("Tell me. Whats your GPA?")

He burst into laughter and said, "Maths and Electrical pochu da". (Flunked in Maths and Electrical).

My happiness knew no bounds. For a second, my dad thought someone had called me and said that I hadn't failed the paper. I hung up and went straight to meet him. The next month was actually the best of all times I got to spend with him. We learnt together and cleared the backlogs in the supplementary exams. Third semester classes began and on the third day we got the results of the supplementary and I went to the mechanical block and celebrated with him that evening.

Little did both of us know that it was his last day in college. He fell sick that weekend and got admitted to the hospital one week later. The next I saw him at his house, it was the Rajeesh I knew wouldn't laugh aloud or tease me for he lay motionless totally not bothered about the people crying beside him. That is the first time since I have known him that he did not empathize the people crying around him. Its been five years now, which does not matter because his memories would never fade, for anyone who have known him.

Confusingly clear contestants

Jam packed weekend would be an under statement. The Palakkad heat is in its peak and literally the sun was putting a straw straight into our head and drinking out of it (dinggggggg!!!! an ad striking???) Thanks to the so many maamis who offered us nannari sharbath, we were able to cover up to 50 houses on saturday. Well, I'm dedicating a separate post to that (I hope so) because it was a too good experience listening to the childhood experiences of our parents from their friends. Well, listening to good things is always great.

On Sunday, after all the invitation distribution, my dad and me dropped off Srinath for his bus and returned home. My train was at 22:20 and I had booked a cab to reach the station. I had about half an hour to kill and I spent half of it lying down idly. The rest, I thought I'd dedicate to some last minute TV watching. I turned it on and a gorgeous Trisha was talking with pride (too much pride for one good film) in Coffee with Anu. I hate ads for a reason and BAM they came up. I went to the next channel and saw Kushboo in Jackpot*.

I remember the last time I saw this show. It was back in June 2006. I was in Chennai (my then home) for my semester holidays. After a heavy Sunday dinner, we were just switching channels uninterestedly, when my classmate sent me a message saying, "See Jaya TV". I told my sister to turn it on and to my surprise, saw 4 of my classmates participating. As I was explaining to my sister, who each of them is and stuff, my mobile sounded once again. The SMS from one of batchmates read, "Ellarum olunga football match paarunga da" (Everybody better see the football match).

Well, coming back to yesterday.

Kushboo (to Team 1): Nadigar Vikam, thaan thayaarikkum padathukku yaarai iyakkunaraaga niyamithullar?

Translation: Which director has Actor Vikram appointed for the movie he is producing?

I immediately said, "Sasikumar", to my dad.

Team1 Captain: (Thinks for a while and says with little confidence) Shankar!

I was like, "Oopsy! Well, do you think Vikram has that much money to crap?"

Kushboo: BOAAard?

And there was papaaaan sound. (Wrong Answer)

Kushboo: Chennai team? Unga Badhil?

Translation: Chennai Team? Your answer?

Chennai Team Captain: (Pauses, hesitates and says) Sasikumar.

I was like, "Cool!"

Kushboo: BOAAard?

And there was a kilikilikin sound. (Correct Answer).

Claps and other announcement of what gift hampers they won followed.

Kushboo: Team 1, Aduthu vara rendu kelvigalukkum neenga correct answer solliyae aaganum, Jackpot round valayadarukku.

Translation: Team 1, You have to get the next two questions right, in order to play the Jackpot round.

For a team thats almost losing, the captain seemed very cool and confident. I thought, "She's gonna nail it. Probably, she's a nerd who doesn't know much about movies, especially, tamil movies. Not a mistake."

Kushboo: Padhaviyil irukkum podhe maranam adaindha Indiya Janathipadhi yaar?

Translation: Which India PRESIDENT died when he/she was in power?

She smiled and I thought she got it. With confidence and spontaneity, she spoke.

Team 1 Captain: Indira Gandhi!

There was heavy laughter. I was dumbstruck. So was Kushboo.

Kushboo: Indira Gandhi was assassinated!!!!! And she was the prime minister.

Team 1 Captain: Answer maathamudiyaatha?

Translation: Can't the answer be changed then?

Kushboo: Maatha mudiyaadhu! Board?

Translation: No, It cannot be!

Papaaaan was the sound and she turned to Chennai team. For a moment, the camera showed a few faces in the audience and they were all in roaring laughter.

Kushboo: Neenga Jackpot round velayaada poreenga!! Unga answer?

Translation: You are gonna play the Jackpot round. What's your answer?

Now, I din know the right answer too. So, I never expected Chennai team to give the answer, but I hoped they'll name a president. She was also very quick.

Chennai Team Captain: Nehru?

The crowd again went for a roar of laughter.

Chennai Team (all 4 together giggling): Chumma oru guess thaane!

Translation: We just went for a guess!

I was like $$!%$#%!@%#$!#@%$#!%@

These ladies I believe, are part of the 33% crap thing. So, they just chose to learn only 33% of everything and Indira Gandhi happened to fall on the 67% side of the history they learnt. Can we blame them?

PS:

1) I even went through the list of Prime ministers and Presidents of India in order to reassure that people (not the illiterate, at least the ones who come to participate in game shows for money) are still unaware of who was president and who was prime minister. Well, you don't have to know the entire list. But, at least about Nehru and Indira Gandhi.

2) Jackpot is a game show that has two teams of four ladies each. You have to play 3 rounds and only one team goes to the jackpot round where you can win lot of money.

3) Is it ironic that I'm writing this on Women's day??? :P

4) Well, No! Though I know a few of them dumb to the core, most of the women/girls I know are smart!