From 2010 to 2011 - The final day

As we enter the final day of 2010, the curtain of a year's drama slowly comes down and we have to get going. Even as you are reading this, expectations are building everywhere - what you expect and what others expect of you - pressure. Resolutions - the worst of all crap man has come up with. Not only do you put yourself through something just for the sake of it, you also take guilt for not keeping up - pressure. The race you are in or getting ready for needs this, that and everything else that you get so self indulged with yourselves and friends/relatives/girlfriends get mad - pressure. Life is not a bloody pressure cooker.

Now stop.

Why the hell am I blurting out dialogs from 3 Idiots????

I believe that each and everyone knows what they want already or would figure that out somewhere down the lane and thus decide what they have to deal with. So, my only say is , "Live your Life". Rest unsaid. I'm getting to how 2010 turned out for me. People who are uninterested can change the channel anytime. :) Those who are rushing out now, "Happy New Year. May 2011 unearth all that you had/need for you".

My 2010

Considering no one really close to me died, I should say 2010 was an awesome year for me. Well, this might be a tacky statement. If you knew the 2009 my family lived through, I already know that you are smiling. :)

Best moments include

1) Double weddings in the family (April 6th - April 11th) - Totally disconnected from the outside world. Probably the longest duration I've not checked my mail, since 2005.

2) Quality time with family and my cousin Srinath (Jan - April) - We travelled to Coimbatore every single weekend during this time. We made a video of our family. It came out fantastic and I'll cherish that forever.

3) Went back to the childhood days with my oldest friend Arvind (Oct/Nov), when we were working on something together, which came out successful (well, not the best, but it did).

4) Dad celebrated his 60th B'day. There is not a single day where we don't have an argument, but the man is right about almost everything. Phew! 60 years. I'd be happy if I develop half as patience and responsibility as him.

5) Colonial Cousins Live - I heard the songs I have loved since I didn't even know to operate my car's stereo, live. Man! I loved Nov 19th for this.

6) I have worked really hard this year. First half of the year for personal reasons and the second half for official reasons. Got my salary credited today and knowing that every penny counts is invaluable.
7) When I held my cousin's six month old daughter for the first time. The feel of being one generation older was something. Can't wait to be an official uncle, which is going to happen soon.

Worst moments include... well, why talk about it when you know its gonna do no good.

Other Tidbits

Movies I loved - Vinnaithandi Varuvaaya, Raavanan, Endhiran, Jhoota Hi Sahi, Madrasapattinam.

Movies I hated - Kites, Suraa.

Favourite Cricketing Moments - Sachin's double century, Sachin's 50th test ton, Laxman's match saving innings with Australia.

A new place I Visited - None.

Longest bike ride - Nov 19th - Murphy chose me that day.

Epic Fail - Gym, CAT, Buying a keyboard.

My own favourite blogs - Moon Ride, Glimpse, Bites - After Kites, Sounds of Silence, Eight years and Counting, For Old Times

Best meal I ate - Dad had made an ultra super Morukootan (moru kolambu) last month.

Best meal I cooked - Chappathi, Bindi Fry (last weekend) :P

Best thing I learnt from a mistake - Don't take it for granted that even the "closest" of people are what you think they are. You have no idea. Either wise.

Well, I just wrote all those that came up to my mind now. :) In short, 2010 was awesome. I just wish 2011 has something similar in store. I'm sure it would.

Wish you all a happy and prosperous new year. Have fun!

Chiju

31st December 2010

Time to move on

Time and tide waits for none

Its been a while since I wrote something here. Twitter has been taking care of my venting needs and not being active @ work has slowed down the traffic to the association areas of my brain. Once in a while, a momentary rush of guilt helps me use some of the time productively.

Last weekend I was in Coimbatore for my Periyappa's (Dad's elder brother) first anniversary. It was a five day process involving lots of rituals, gradually getting tailored by the generation. On Friday, I visited college with Vibushan and it was a nostalgic experience. From the time we parked the car and stepped in, until the time we came out and picked a bone with our animus security staff, it was trademark college. However, the usual excitement and thrill of being in Coimbatore or visiting college was obsolete .

Saturday and Sunday were completely booked for family except the little time spent at music class. Yeah, that was a great experience. Every July, my music school celebrates a two day annual event where all the disciples render songs as a tribute to the Sangeetha Moomoorthigal*. When I went for practice on Saturday, a batch was singing thillana for the chorus. It took me back to the childhood days where I was one among the 15 or 20 singing the same thillana. This is my 12th annual day there and I asked my teacher if I could be a part of the chorus this time.

Saturday night, it was again family time, when me, my cousins Srinath, Srikanth, my athai (Dad's sister) and Srikanth's wife Priya sat around chatting. It was more like a jamming session because we were singing all our favourite numbers like Cham Cham, Khwaja, Anjali and so on. Priya was making me sing number after number and I was so reminded of my Periyappa who used to do the same. Whenever he had visitors, if I was there, it would be singing time for me. He used to call it Sadhagam (practice) time. I couldn't believe that he is not there among us enjoying all the music and fun.

Sunday saw the last of the rituals for his anniversary. I felt time should actually be moving slower. It just seemed like I got down from the bus on Friday and it was already time to leave. I had this discussion about how I had always wanted time to move slower except during my college days. And that, even during college there was one reason why I wanted things to move slow and so on. In the end, the weekend was all about memories and missing stuff.

Well, not only the weekend, its been like that for a while. It has been making me wonder if I'm making this a big deal and if its worth it. The reason is that I look around and the people who are supposedly part of the memories have stopped to care, or at least seem so. Probably, they are bored of the whole good-times system. The funny part is that those who blame me of having made new "friends"(as one would fixate on the quotes for the word) and not care anymore seem to have forgotten where I live. A whole other perspective makes me understand that we can't blame anybody just because we are still the same and stubborn to accept change and move on.

I sat through the return journey coming up with a whole new "its-time-to-move-on" plan. Its a simple to-do list towards a productive life rather than blabbing nostalgia forever.

Its time to move on, for memories accrue, time doesn't.

"Time is the Healer.

Time Moves on,

Time don't wait for anyone.

You tell me you'll be back,

But that'll take sometime.

I'm waiting... "

I've always been amazed by the above lines. Simple but so true. :)

*Sangeetha Mumoorthigal - the musical big shots Thyagaraja Swamigal, Sri Muthuswamy Dixithar and Sri Shyama Shastri.

The Dark Knights

Off late, I've been writing a lot of flashback. The thing about nostalgia is that I have never had to think, to put it in words. Its like when you are drunk and you get going. And to kindle it, it takes not more than one IM in facebook by your buddy, like, "vaada thattukadayil povam" (Come on, Lets go to the Roadside Food Joint - in Malayalam). Well, Kanz pinged me today and Chiju Speaks follows. :)

There is a dark side to everyone. A subterfuge from all the normal stuff: studies, responsibilities or "relationship" tension - to mention a few. The side that assures you: there is life other than what is doctored. This is about the dark side of me and my fellow knights.

When all your world is asleep and you say, "Its just 4AM", thats when the Dark Knight in you is unleashed. Keeping count of the kick ass nights spent back in Coimbatore is impossible. Thanks to our university, we had at least 3 full months of semester vacation every year. Every night spent (or wasted) for exams were compensated during vacation.

Aashirwad Nights

We (Me & Dad) used to live in Aashirwad apartments for almost 1.5 years. We had a great terrace there. Hanging out in the terrace, sitting on topof the water tank facing the Nilgiris (Ooty Hills), combined studies (esp the Astrophysics exam night), the so many topics (from cinema to politics to technology to mokkais) and playing cards. I wish I could go there once more and live through it all over. So, the WE is actually Me, Dad, Vivek, Vibushan, JP, Vijay, Deepak, Anandh, Kanz, Raghul and an ocsasional someone.

 

Astrophysics Exam Night - The two guys on the right actually had Chemistry the next day!

Aashirwad, 29th April 2007

Race Course Walks

A walk around the Race Course, probably after a heavy dinner or before a night @ Aashirwad defines an hour plus of chatting, laughing, photographs, a mid-night coffee day visit and a fantastic ride back home. Life was great! :)

 

(Left to Right) - Deepak, JP, Vibu, Anandh, Vijay & Vivek

Race Course, 23rd September 2008

Counterstrike Nights

Laptops all around the room, LAN cables running haywire everywhere, a silent night that turns so violent and heavy once the earplugs are placed properly. Playing CS through the night with Dad's Buttermilk or Mountain Dew to boost the warriors at game can't get any better.

Sp@rrow? Should we plan up a counterstrike night before Vibu flies off? Probably during your 5-day vacation in Chennai?

 

Vibushan's place

After a sumptuous dinner from Aachi Mess, we came back to study for our Data Structures semester exam with lots of plans (to study of course) and little mood to do so. We were taken aback by the preparations Vibu's parents had made for us to sleep comfortably after studies. Little did they know that their son and his feckless friends are going to bet on who's gonna flunk tomorrow over a game of cards and sleep through the night.

We were playing cards (of course in the name of studies) on a Sunday afternoon (one dark afternoon). Vibu's dad opens the door all of a sudden and gives a very strong stare. "Bushan! Come here!", he says and the tone gets us instantly to pack up everything and prepare to leave, only to see Vibu bring a tray of tea and biscuits back into the room.

We broke down a very old but strong and big double bed. I know what you're thinking, but Vijay Krishnan was there too. Vivek (the only guy who found guts) told Vibu's dad and we realized why we were all closest to Vibushan's parents that day. :)

 

Vibu's place - and this is the bed we broke! :P

August 10th 2007

Can we live a life like that ever again?

Veyes Towers

Staying alone during college is fun. You move into a bachelors mansion and 2 months later Kannan, this guy from your class finds a room there too. A few post dinner chats in the terrace of the mansion and you find a great friend called Kanz who kindled you to write this post! :) Dude, I'm not filling up this space fully. You know why!

Magic Show

A video we shot for our Seniors' farewell. What we planned for 2 hours took us 2 months. We have spent hilarious nights for this. It did not come out as we thought it might. But, shouts to Deepak who, not only did the experiment, but also took us along. Not getting into the details here either.

Project Nights

Two different projects (5th sem & 8th sem), Two different teams, Two entirely different areas and Two similar things - 1) Fun 2) I did only documentation. :P

 

Vivek's Big Project Plan

Vivek's House, April 2008

The Last night

After packing up to Madurai, JP and Vibushan stayed at my place till 3AM in the morning to drop me and Anandh in the bus stand. We rode through Aashirwad, talking about all those great night-outs.

The knights separated that night. :(

Anyways, as I sit here, this night, looking back at all those moments, I'm tagging the knights who should definitely write right about this. :P

1) Vivek of Occam

2) Vibushan - The Gemini

3) JP & His Train of Thought

4) Kanz, Mayavi of Memories

5) Vijay Krishnan - He had a blog (don't know where it is)

6) Deepsman, the knight with a difference

7) Anandh (Dai, At least comment on this - or why don't you start a blog too?)

8) Raghul, My project mate :P

Guys, I know I haven't written in depth. I want all of you to fill the gaps. You all know where you have to. :P

ONE YEAR

I dropped off Santhosh after the movie and asked him to lock behind my bike, the helmet he was holding all the way. As he was getting the key right, I happened to witness a strand of clouds passing through the dark purple-blue sky. The beauty of the night electrified my senses instantly. I was in an environment that barely qualified to be street. It was a foul-smelling gully, with lots of people sleeping on the road. It was simply a typical slum movie setup. Yet, the passing clouds were one of the best sights ever. A realization hit upon me - Amidst all the dirty things, those passing moments make Life so Beautiful.

So, its been a year now. 365 days. If I look back, I can't even recall most of the days that passed by. It seems like yesterday when I spent my first night in Chennai, lying down with my face on the pillow, tilted ably to look at my cellphone as if one beep is going to make a big difference in my life. It did not beep until morning and when it did, it made sure that I started off to my first day at work with a smile. Smile - the curve that could be bent either way by the person who puts it there, in first place.

Its just been a roller coaster ride all the way, till today. I look back and see the many trips to Coimbatore, some yearned and some dreaded, the many Friends I made, the fun moments @ work and family, the new arrivals into the family, Appraisal and other events @ work, the loss of loved ones and the lessons learnt. All along, I have been making promises to myself and taking up tasks involving responsibility and commitment. The good thing about last year is that I completed SUCCESSFULLY few of those tasks and was sincere to all those promises. I also take pride in keeping up to the trust of most of the people in my life.

Thank God, things @ work have been smooth. I had a pretty good appraisal (not money-vise). I was astounded by some of those comments. Well, I always keep my expectations less, maybe thats the reason. The best part involves the many people that boarded the bus of my life. I got to know better, few people I barely knew before and made some good, witty, funny and sincere Friends. I pray to have a seamless work year again.

I've had people (someone or the other) around me as always. Masakali from Dilli-6 has been replaced by Beera Beera from Raavan. Breakfast @ Balaji Bhavan has become Breakfast @ Udipi Mess. Shifting from Madurai to Coimbatore has changed to shifting from Coimbatore to Chennai. Deccan Chargers were followed by Chennai Super Kings. These changes will repeat year after year.

But, there have been other changes as well; those that will have an impact forever. Those changes that play a key role in transforming a person to what he is gonna be, those that create misery to look back later and smile and those that create joy to look back later and shed a tear. Responding to these changes is the key.

Expectations grow exponentially. Last year's benchmarks have worn out. New goals are visible. The mistakes list has been freshly updated and against each of them is written a new learning. New friends are waiting to board the bus. And the list goes on.

To that day, I look back.

Withered leaves flying away,

Tight clutches being forced open.

Truth feeding on anxiety.

The apples of my eye.

To this day, I acknowledge,

The growing greenery,

Claws awaiting the rust.

A fresh batch of anxiety building.

The plucked apples in safest hands.

Looking forward to next year....

PS:

1) A big sorry to all those people whose calls I have not returned, whose scraps I've not replied, whose presence I've not acknowledged. 2010 has been really hectic and I'm slowing down gradually. Thanks a lot for understanding.

2) Cheers to all those who made it to Swathi's wedding. I look at the photos and I'm so happy that My Friends were the majority! I feel so important! :) :) THANKS A LOT PEOPLE!!!!

Down the memory lane - I

I was driving a Unicorn by the Nehru Stadium. The last of the shops were shutting down, I was sure it was past 11PM. There was no haste, whatsoever. I let my thoughts play on their own and they were well in sync with the late night September Coimbatore weather - pleasant than ever. My mind breezed into the past couple of days. Well, I should say that is way better than rocketing into the future.

*Concentric Circles Revolving begins*

We have played Pictionary before. But, last night was so much more fun. Vijay, Vivek and his cousin on one team, and, Me, Vibushan and Vivek's sister the opponents, it was the best set of games we'd ever played. Vijay and Vivek were on their best entertaining spree with so many jokes. I had to force myself to sleep, unable to stop replaying the fun.

Today was nothing short. We had thrilling rounds of Counterstrike in the morning and afternoon. We got to chatting for a while and met Harini Maam at her place. Again, all of us laughed so much that I can't recall all the jokes; they were all in such quick succession. JP joined us late and we had our dinner at Alankar Grande. It all began over dinner, with this personality quiz that I asked Anandh. The quiz went like, I'd give them a word and they should tell what comes up to their mind and that relates to their priority in life. Coffee was one of the words and Anandh came up with "morning". Can you blame him??? Well, that's the specialty of out gang. Coffee actually mapped up to sex and the idea of Anandh, coffee, morning and sex was so hilarious that we were laughing so loudly and for a long time. There had to be an end to it and as per plan we headed to Race Course for a good night's walk.

*Concentric Circles Revolving begins*

I was driving along K.G.Theatre (now Big Cinemas), with Anandh behind. We were almost there. As my lips curved into a smile about the fun filled days, a Hunk zoomed past us and the guys on the bike were roaring with laughter. From the sounds, we could say it was JP and Vibushan, still laughing over Anandh's coffee joke. :P

Race course, our favorite spot for relaxed but chatterbox walks, was nothing less that night. Deepak joined us at Race Course and we completed the round slow by time and fast by realization. We clicked many photos of TR style, Sam Anderson style (again, food for Vibu and JP's laughter - they were on a roll that night) and so on. Past midnight, we left race course and headed straight to my place. We played cards for a while, and my system playin all our favorite tunes. After cards, Vivek and Vijay wanted to call it a day, while, Vibushan, JP, Deepak, Anandh and me settled in the portico for a long chat.

It was past 4AM. We had to sleep. We arranged mats and bedspreads in the hall and lay down to sleep. The small leftover talks were fading away. Talking to murmuring to whispering to silence and we were stay put. It was like that for a while and my mind again wandered to take in one of the biggest changes about to happen in my life. I had to shift to Madurai the next day. A big load of packing and shifting work awaited me in the morning. All this hanging out had come to an end. Four years of college had taught me to understand, mingle, and love. The last lesson, probably, the toughest of all, to separate had to be learnt. My heart sank deep and I knew I had to cry, in fact I was almost there. Suddenly, a roaring sound diverted my thoughts.

JP and Vibushan were still in form, laughing at Anandh for his coffee joke, adding a TR interview joke here and there. In fact the entire personality quiz of Anandh was so hilarious and I'm sure he knows that too. :) :)

Sriraj

Coimbatore

24th September 2008

Those were the best days of my life.

Little Abnormality, All the Attention and Back to Square ONE

Warning: Big post, Little Content! (matter wise and satisfaction wise) :P

Monday, 18th January 2010

I woke up, as usual, cursing myself about missing the gym yet again. The usual routine followed: consoling myself while brushing my teeth, "Tomorrow I'll make it".

I realized that I have to shave and it followed. While the razor was doing its job almost around the right ear, it hurt and as a reflex I touched it.

"Heat Boils? Pimples?", my mind scanned the various options, as my fingers felt the small, round patch of many minute boils.

I got to work and the busy schedule kept me from even thinking about what I saw in the morning. The day went by. Except for applying some nivea in the evening, I did not make a big deal about my face.

Tuesday, 19th January 2010

I met Sphinx, who had missed the morning flight from Chennai and blessed us with his "darshan". When I removed my helmet after picking him up for lunch, "What the hell is that on your face?" was his reaction.

Back in office, I waved to Ananth and asked his suggestion on meeting a skin specialist in Chennai. However, the thought of seeing a doctor in Chennai was uncomfortable because the month has already been quite expensive and I didn't have money to crap.

Finally, in the evening, during a meeting, I decided I'll leave to Cbe that night to meet my doctor because a bump on that side of my head started to hurt, Bad.

Wednesday, 20th January 2010

I was sitting at Dr. Prakash's clinic, going through the flyers put up about the off-shop (a shop to buy and sell your stuff), a venture he has recently started, in the basement of his clinic. When the token machine said, "Token No. 3", I went in.

There he was, as always, clean, grand, classy and like a King! I showed that added bit of charm on my face, for which I had been running a lot of what-it-could-have-been since Monday.
As if you saw a cat and say "Its a cat"; he said, "Herpes". Apparently, it is not as kinky as it sounds, it is sort of a great grand daughter of chicken pox, that comes to take revenge, for, our body defeated its ancestors.

I learned that it would try its best for 7-10 days by which, it should vote to succumb to the greater good - medication. He prescribed a couple of tablets and a pain killer and I went back home deciding to return to Chennai the same night.

Dad was unhappy though. He started by suggesting, "Why don't you be here till Sunday and rest?". I dismissed that idea and stayed put on returning the same night. By afternoon, my dad succeeded in convincing me that staying for one more day wouldn't hurt.

However, that ruled out my planned weekend visit to Bangalore and I made a mental note to cancel the train tickets I had booked.

Later that evening, my sister was threatening me that she would give me other marks on my face to remember, if I did not buy a rice cooker (so that I could at least cook curd rice at home). I asked her to cancel my tickets to Bangalore.

Thursday, 21st January 2010

I woke up a bit later than usual and after a really long time, someone came to me and gave me my morning FILTER coffee, hot and tasty with all the aroma and the layer of foam on the top. I was so excited by it - I didn't see the days of great attention coming.

By the time, I finished my coffee, breakfast came by. After breakfast, I got ready and came out dressed, when dad handed me a glass of buttermilk. I immediately made my decision, "Daddy! I'll leave on Sunday only. Let's book the tickets."

So, after booking my tickets to Chennai, and looking up 0n a couple of places to get invitation cards printed, we reached my aunt's place for lunch.

Once I reached, she checked on my scars, which were in their peak. It felt so great that my aunt had banned any oily stuff and spice (including pickles) for anyone in the house just because I shouldn't have oil or spice. It's simply amazing to get all that attention.

Later that evening, I sat down with my aunt, charting out the invites list for the double wedding in April.

Friday, 22nd January 2010

By today, word had been spread, so, other than the occasional inquiry of my well being, my mobile was lazy, the whole time.

Watermelon, oranges, buttermilk and tender coconut water were those that came in search of me, at regular intervals. I kept resting till evening re-reading "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows".

We did a bit of where-to-shop-for-the-weddings research in the evening and came back home, when I had to answer a couple of calls from people who thought I'd be catching a train to Bangalore by then.

Saturday, 23rd January 2010

I went for another checkup to Dr.Prakash. He certified that I was absolutely fine to take off to Chennai and casually told that one of those scars would leave a permanent mark.

We came back home, to another day with oranges, watermelons, butter milk and some attention (not as strong as the last couple of days).

I knew the attention was still there, when, I was about to wash my plate after lunch and Dad told me to leave it for him to wash. If it was a Tamil soap, I would have kept the plate, wiped a single tear running down from my eye and moved on. :P

Sunday, 24th January 2010

I woke up in the morning and as I was brushing my teeth, Dad asked if he should make coffee and I said yes. After coffee, when I mentioned breakfast, he said, "No breakfast today", casually checking on my scars. "Attention fading?", I thought.

I went to Ramesh mess and got aapam for both of us. Another day just went by. Lunch at aunt's house. Asianet showed Ravanaprabhu movie in the evening and I was lucky enough to catch one of my favorite songs in the movie before I left to catch my bus.

As I was speeding back to Chennai, my mind went back, over all the attention I enjoyed for the past 5 days. It was so cool to have been the center of attraction (though I'd love for the reason to have been I've made a scientific discovery).

I don't think I enjoyed that feeling for a long time enough, as I fell asleep soon. That's ok. I'll have that feeling for the next few days!

Monday, 25th January 2010

I rang the bell to my matchbox apartment. My sleepy roommate opened the door for me and went back to his bed.

I entered the house to a pile of clothes on the chair in the hall, a stinky kitchen with vessels used for the past 5 days still in the sink, a mess all around, lots and lots of mosquitoes and a great deal of cleaning up to do. Well, That's back to square one!

PS:

1) My scars are ok now. So, the system is up and running! I have a permanent mark though, let see if it works as a charm for whatever!

2) My Indiblogger rank went up from 63 to 71 last week. :)

3) I don't think I'd be able to make it to Bangalore as of now! :(

4) Apologies for this long post, full of crap! I enjoyed writing it though! Nice flashback! :) :) :)

I got closure

Getting over something is never a piece of cake. It gets worse to realize that something that you should have (or have had) is now with someone who does not deserve it at all. This has happened to me in the recent past.

Closure is the state where you finally accept the fact that you don't have it and you move on. Getting closure is not that easy either. First of all, you are going to miss it (badly). Next, you've got to put up with the fact that a worthless bastard has it, is enjoying with it or boasting to his friends about what he has got.

What generally people do?

1) Easily accept the fact that it is not there and move on soon. (I'm not even close to the easily part of this one)
2) You cry over it, then cry over it and then again cry over it. (Sounds like something I'd do, but I hate being like that, so not an option)
3) You try (your best) to be Mr. Happy & in the course you get over it smoothly. (Getting closer)
4) You talk to somebody else about it, they either scold you (has happened to me) and you say, "Ya, you're right" (I don't do that) or they talk and install some sense into the stupid head of yours (am just next door now).

Though the above pointers seem to give the big picture, the most probable action is:

5) Do something crazy like getting along with something else just to show that you're over it. (you've just reached my place).

However in the last case, when you realize that the one that replaced what you lost is not what you want, you feel so stupid that you want to do Ctrl+z. Is that possible?

As I was telling, in my case, it was possible. Ctrl+z worked. And the best part was, it gave me closure. :)

I still realize that I don't have it. I still do care that an unworthy, bloody ****** (any censored curse) is having fun with what should have been with me. But, I'm happy.

I proudly own a brand new Sony Ericsson c510 cybershot. And I sold away the stupid dobile (dappa mobile) that I bought to get over my K810i. :)

PS: Refer to Mobile-Tech-No-Logic. Getting over the mobile phones you love can be tough. Many would agree with me.