Sunday, May 23, 2010

Bites - After KITES

Director: Hey! So, you've got some time?
Hero: Mmmm... How much time?
Director: Say... Two and half years. Not more.

The producer joins the conversation.

Producer: Oh! Thats not much! We could go forward if you have a strong script
Hero (disappointedly): Dad! Strong script? So, thats the focus now?
Producer: Arrey Bheta! I'm just practicing already for the many press conferences we have to be in. Just getting into the feel.
Hero: Fine then. Lets get to business. I have quite a few learnings from my last chic flick.
Director: Like?
Hero: I got a fan mail from a woman that said, just before the climax of the movie, she climaxed. We need to improve the turn-around time. Intermission should be our focus.
Director: Well, I've not added that to the script. We'll put a song where u could wear an unbuttoned sleeveless shirt and show it all off. [After a short pause] Before Intermission.
Producer: I like the way you narrate. Keep going!
Hero: Next! I can dance really well. So...

The director cuts him off.

Director: Say no more. I'll get the music director to tune up a song where u can dance your whatever off.
Hero: Fantastic! I think you're winning my interest.
Director: So, where do we shoot? Goa?
Hero: Hey! You said two and half years. We'd better try and see a lot of foreign countries.
Director: So, LA, Las Vegas and Mexico? What say?
Producer: Yeah Bheta! Sounds like an idea.
Hero: And about the heroism factor, I'd want to careful about it. Last time, I think I crossed the line.
Director: Well, we can keep you running with the bad guys chasing most of the time. And in the end, you can jump of a peak and die. How'd that be?
Producer: Hey! But, he can't die. Have Indian Heroes started doing that already?
Director: Your son could be a trend setter in that area.
Hero: Sounds like something I could do. We'll work on that. If it comes out good, we'll pick it up.
Director: Sure sir. Next, about the heroine. Sameera Reddy?
Hero: Well, I want two. One HOT Indian and one foreign chic.
Producer: Foreign chic? Why exactly?
Hero: They pull off bikini and two piece scenes considerably easier. Also, if we could get a foreign language involved, we could confuse the audience for a while.
Director: Ok, why two?
Hero (in a depressed tone): No Triangular love? And makes a puppy face.
Director: Sure!
Hero: We'll decide whom I'm dumping, later.
Director: Ok. Foreign locale. Foreign chic. Noted.
Producer: The stunts should be surreal.
Director: Sure. Cars, Buses, Bikes, Parachutes - everything would fly around the place.
Producer: This is just a start. I have all the money to crap.
Hero: Cool. I've got a rich dad. Don't forget the many chase scenes and the many gun shots and blood wrath.
Director: Of course of course!

They complete the discussion of almost everything.

Producer: So, lets check if we have everything we need.
Director: A rocking dance, the mind blowing physique of your son, unbuttoned sleeveless shirts, Indian chic, Foreign chic, Bikini & two piece scenes, Triangular love, Chase scenes, Surreal stunts, gun shots, blood wrath and jumping off a cliff. From your side?
Producer: Many press conferences, my son praising the foreign chic for no reason, exaggerated interviews and a bot for incrementing the hits in the internet. Anything else?
Director: You're one of the best producers I have ever worked with.
Producer: Cool. Whats the story?
Director: With all those in the list, we can make something up. Mad movie goers will give us the returns by the opening weekend. And a confusing screenplay will blow the audiences' pretty dumb brains off.
Producer & Hero (unanimously) : Wow! You're one of the best directors we've ever worked with.

And the movie called BITES went on floor.

17 Expressions:

$ph!nX said...



I would say it was a pretty decent "Bollywood"ization of a Hollywood movie... with the usual dimwit gangsta! :P

Dance moves rocked man ;) A low profile though

Car chases ... not quite

And the (supposed) Mexican stand-off (If I may be so bold as to use the term) was hilarious :P

$ph!nX said...

Oh... and forgot to add tho..For a better understanding of how the "Hero" is portrayed here, remember Edward Cullen? :P

Navneeth R said...

ROFL ... Nice post ..

Ur post reminded me of the character Hrithik played in the previous movie "Luck by chance " ... Guess,. he made a fool of himself after playin that character ...

Thankfully I gave the movie a miss in theatres ....

Jazarine Jamal said...


Nice post. I didn't see the movie but heard the story though. Heard that the movie involved flashbacks..
I guess we got the real flashback here. :)

Chiju said...

We discussed it offline! So, no replies to you! :P
Dude! Hopeless man! Hopeless!
I'm so happy that you did not accompany the gang that saw the movie! Whatever kept you away from it, Thank that! :)
:) Thanks for visiting my blog! Keep Visiting.

VJ said...

Now I GOT to watch the movie :) Pretty enticing.. :P

:) But, at least they give what most of the audience want - Hrithik showing off what he's got (the only thing he banks on - i don't like his acting much)... And when have women in Bollywood /Kollywood /(etc..) ever counted for more than a sleazy dance video or a two-piece bikini scene?

Well, thank god for KITES. I got to read something entertaining this morning.

O me Likey! Chiu

Janith said...

" <> will give us the returns by the opening weekend. And a confusing screenplay will blow the audiences' pretty <> off."

Same pinch :P

Janith said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chiju said...

Thanks! :)
We Losers! :P

Kanz said...

LOL ;) ur Bites seems like a better movie than Kites.. we'll make a spoof like the one u wre telling abt tamilpadam :)

neeju said...

blow their pretty dumb brains off...ultimate F.R.I.E.N.D.S inspiration!!!

neeju said...

But..Hrithik's dance moves were awesome

Chiju said...

Sure! So whats the story? :P
Dance moves! Yeah! I've given credit to that! :)

Vibushan L Narayan said...

Ha ha ha :D yenda.. avalo kevalama padam? :D btw, da.. there are some errors in your template. do check it up. Those undefined labels. I think they are dates and they havent been mapped properly.

Chiju said...

Ya man! Worst!
And ya! I changed the template now. The previous one was adopted from Wordpress. So I couldn't eliminate the errors.
Even in this I'm not able to get to display the date and time! :( Working on it still :)

Sheetal said...

one more added point u cud hav added is - Hrithik, play back singer for Kites in the sky.. ;) ;)

Chiju said...

Cha! I din know that. I could have made use of that piece of information.

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