Bites - After KITES

Director: Hey! So, you've got some time?

Hero: Mmmm... How much time?

Director: Say... Two and half years. Not more.

The producer joins the conversation.

Producer: Oh! Thats not much! We could go forward if you have a strong script

Hero (disappointedly): Dad! Strong script? So, thats the focus now?

Producer: Arrey Bheta! I'm just practicing already for the many press conferences we have to be in. Just getting into the feel.

Hero: Fine then. Lets get to business. I have quite a few learnings from my last chic flick.

Director: Like?

Hero: I got a fan mail from a woman that said, just before the climax of the movie, she climaxed. We need to improve the turn-around time. Intermission should be our focus.

Director: Well, I've not added that to the script. We'll put a song where u could wear an unbuttoned sleeveless shirt and show it all off. [After a short pause] Before Intermission.

Producer: I like the way you narrate. Keep going!

Hero: Next! I can dance really well. So...

The director cuts him off.

Director: Say no more. I'll get the music director to tune up a song where u can dance your whatever off.

Hero: Fantastic! I think you're winning my interest.

Director: So, where do we shoot? Goa?

Hero: Hey! You said two and half years. We'd better try and see a lot of foreign countries.

Director: So, LA, Las Vegas and Mexico? What say?

Producer: Yeah Bheta! Sounds like an idea.

Hero: And about the heroism factor, I'd want to careful about it. Last time, I think I crossed the line.

Director: Well, we can keep you running with the bad guys chasing most of the time. And in the end, you can jump of a peak and die. How'd that be?

Producer: Hey! But, he can't die. Have Indian Heroes started doing that already?

Director: Your son could be a trend setter in that area.

Hero: Sounds like something I could do. We'll work on that. If it comes out good, we'll pick it up.

Director: Sure sir. Next, about the heroine. Sameera Reddy?

Hero: Well, I want two. One HOT Indian and one foreign chic.

Producer: Foreign chic? Why exactly?

Hero: They pull off bikini and two piece scenes considerably easier. Also, if we could get a foreign language involved, we could confuse the audience for a while.

Director: Ok, why two?

Hero (in a depressed tone): No Triangular love? And makes a puppy face.

Director: Sure!

Hero: We'll decide whom I'm dumping, later.

Director: Ok. Foreign locale. Foreign chic. Noted.

Producer: The stunts should be surreal.

Director: Sure. Cars, Buses, Bikes, Parachutes - everything would fly around the place.

Producer: This is just a start. I have all the money to crap.

Hero: Cool. I've got a rich dad. Don't forget the many chase scenes and the many gun shots and blood wrath.

Director: Of course of course!

They complete the discussion of almost everything.

Producer: So, lets check if we have everything we need.

Director: A rocking dance, the mind blowing physique of your son, unbuttoned sleeveless shirts, Indian chic, Foreign chic, Bikini & two piece scenes, Triangular love, Chase scenes, Surreal stunts, gun shots, blood wrath and jumping off a cliff. From your side?

Producer: Many press conferences, my son praising the foreign chic for no reason, exaggerated interviews and a bot for incrementing the hits in the internet. Anything else?

Director: You're one of the best producers I have ever worked with.

Producer: Cool. Whats the story?

Director: With all those in the list, we can make something up. Mad movie goers will give us the returns by the opening weekend. And a confusing screenplay will blow the audiences' pretty dumb brains off.

Producer & Hero (unanimously) : Wow! You're one of the best directors we've ever worked with.

And the movie called BITES went on floor.