Trespassing at its worst

Warning: Too long a post. Been as subtle as possible. Excuse the explicit writing, if you notice it.

Have you ever felt like cheap labor? 

Has someone picked your pocket?

Have you gotten mugged or assaulted? 

Has your best friend slept with your girl friend?

Has your boss ever abused you? 

Has someone you trusted lied to you?

Have you ever been stood up?

Have you been denied admission to a college because of your caste?

Has someone passed a racist comment on you?

Has someone stolen something very close to your heart from you?

Have you ever felt violated?

I guess if you had answered yes to any one of the ten questions, you'd have answered yes to the follow-up as well. Now answer this.

Have you ever been raped?

Isn't that the highest degree violation of one's personal space (sex/age no bar)? Which is better, getting raped or getting killed? There isn't a difference. Personally, I'd give a tiny edge to the latter because you don't have to live with it. I'm definitely not saying that someone who has been victimized by rape cannot recover from it. I'm just saying that there isn't a punishment in this world that can be given to a rapist that would make the victim feel any less violated.

All these days when I read about rape in the news, I imagined the assaulter to be a third rate criminal you'll find in the cast of a tastelessly made gangster movie. It was so naive of me to think that these people will never run in a 'normal' social circle. Yes, the use of the word normal is very deliberate because the moment one even thinks about committing such a heinous* act, the word normal automatically dislodges from their dictionary. Of all the news that has ever been reporter by TOI or any other news agency, this series grossed me out the most. The two accused are kids (read it again in capital letters - KIDS) for heaven's sake. This incident has reportedly happened in the same locality in Coimbatore where I spent my entire childhood. The victim and accused are from my Alma mater. And stressing it again, they are college kids.

It's unfair on my part to focus on this one incident, but, the fact that it could happen right next to us sends a chill up my spine. My own sister grew up in the same locality. Some of my best friends from college and my neighborhood lived and are still living there. There are 3 major schools around the area that tens of thousands of students attend. Now, I feel bad at having laughed at my dad when he got a bit worked up if my sister was even 15 minutes late from college. I finally understand why my mom used to personally accompany her tuition students to their home if they are leaving our house after darkness falls. Of all the places in all the cities of this world, I never imagined it could happen there. I'm still unable to come to terms with the fact that it can never, ever, be 100% safe.

On one hand if we can put the blame on illiteracy and growing up in a bad environment for most cases, there's the other side of the story. There's just too much access these days. As parents, especially the ultra-rich class who just think that their kids are still kids, provide all the access they need - Credit cards, Smart phones, Ultra books, High-Speed Internet connection and what not. But, at least in countries like India where technology has penetrated into the deepest of even the rural areas, parental guidance hasn't stepped in at all. Most of the kids get their own room (in some cases their own flat) because the parents appreciated their privacy. Heck, I had my own room throughout my 4 years in college, but, I'm sure I couldn't have sneaked in as much as a safety pin in to it and my father wouldn't have found out. I'm not saying that there should be no respect for the kid's privacy. I feel it's important to talk to the kids and make them feel comfortable about discussing what's going on in school/college, who their friends are (esp in the opposite sex) and not pick on and judge every single thing the kid does.

Most victims don't come out and speak up. I wouldn't blame them either. Some reporter in TOI is always waiting to unleash his creative best in reporting this, because it's not about sense, it's about sensational (I ripped that part out of a The Hindu ad in 2011). After all the physical torture that lasted only for a few minutes, there's the social torture that's going to last a lifetime. At this juncture, how do you blame anyone for being conservative and non-trusting?

However, the most painful part about all this is that, we always find someone else to blame. Why did you go out at that time? Why did you wear this? Why did you talk to a boy? Doesn't this college take security of students seriously? Is the police department sleeping? Take the case that I had shared above, for instance. I'm sure there are at least a handful of filthy people who blame the girl to have gone to the twins' apartment. Oh yes, going to a friend's apartment is indeed a "heinous crime".

Last year, I saw an episode of Neeya Naana where a doctor said that man is a beast who wears the mask of civilization. So, provocative dressing by a woman will unleash the beast within him. She also mentioned that the middle eastern culture of a woman wearing a burka not only safe guards her from the beast but also helps her personality. I'm not sure if it's just me or did that make no sense whatsoever, no matter how scientifically proven a fact it is. This is just a classic example of mankind being an extremist. We know both extremes. We don't know balance. We don't know moderate.

Nothing, nothing ever is an excuse. Not provocative dressing. Not the time of the day. Not biology. Not geography. Not culture. Not tradition. It's just simple. No matter what, You don't rape someone. YOU DON'T RAPE ANYONE.

*Rape is a heinous crime no matter how tastefully or how violently it was committed.

Mirror of the Erased

Foreword

If you stumbled upon here amidst important work, please come back later.

Having woken up completely drained, sore and strained, the side-effects of too much physical activity after a long time, I realized that its almost two and half hours past the rise early - sleep early schedule I've been practicing for the past month - so much to stabilize the social animal's system. After groaning a 'Oh ****!', my mind promptly dived into re-scheduling the day's activities. Postponing shaving and choosing to take bath in cold water helped me get ready earlier than usual and in no time I was driving back home with breakfast and newspaper for Dad. Thanks to the closing of a signal in GST road, the due-to-metro-rail traffic is less intense these days and I was waiting for the lift (at work) five minutes later. Compared to the past two months, today was expected to be a 'less issues' (I did not say no issues) which meant that my mind was devoid of preoccupied problem solving and the security didn't have to remind me to sign in the laptop register, but, as the day progressed, my mind did register to forget tomorrow. So passed by, one more day where I tried to be sincere (apparently 'good' is way far) at something I remotely imagined I would even be doing by this time in my life. Just like that I was unlocking the front door (back at home). Followed, the routine of freshening up, dinner with F.R.I.E.N.D.S, online for sometime and settling down for a chat with Dad by his bed.

Chats with my dad by his bed almost often turns out to be the most interesting part of my day. We discuss from movies to technology, past to the future, dead to the to-be-born and more. Sometimes we end up laughing really hard, sometimes it would result in me storming out after a furious argument, or sometimes one trying to cheer up the other. In short, its a jugalbandhi of sorts and without dedicating an entire post to it, I'd not be able to do justice. However, today, we dug deep into our past, deep enough that we reached the 1970s about how my Dad's career started. I don't even remember how it lead there, but it all started when we talked about how my career started amidst some of the most dreadful days of our lives - Madurai.

At the close of an hour long talk, I wanted to write (an entire post) today, unlike other days where I start, write two lines and close (the browser). And to make sure I went through with it, I set Jet Audio to play Varanam Ayiram in a loop. How amazingly true is the fact that our minds are so pictorial and musical, one complementing the other. The moment I listen to 'Nenjukkul Peidhidum' I can picture myself sitting in front of my PC in the hall of our flat in Madurai, on a Sunday afternoon, chatting or blogging, Dad lying down in his bed (next to the PC), both of us with no clue of what we are going to do for the rest of the day. Well, that just describes a selected few Sundays, because all the other weekends (except a couple at the start and many towards the end), I spent the rest at work or should I say second college.

Madurai (September 26th 2008 - April 29th 2009) was just a flash in my interesting life filled with irregular connectible events. A positive attitude of expectation is half way to satisfaction. In Madurai, the corollary of that statement worked pretty well for me. Agrini, the home to most (of the little amount of) software engineers and families, was probably the best thing that happened to us in that city. The first time I saw that place in July 2009, I decided that it was going to be my home (irrespective of the duration of stay) in Madurai. Just like India in Sunday's match with England, I got off to a quiet but steady start - pretty decent workplace, my CSE background (or tag), my determined will to get along (no matter where), an AWESOME, (almost) like-minded set of colleagues and the feel-at-home setup including my Dad, his cooking, filter coffee every morning, hot lemon rasam when I wanted it, unlimited internet (though it was from sucking BSNL) and a lovely set of friends (back home) who often called to check on me. Just when I started to sink into that place-for-the-next-few-years feeling, the pressure started to build.

After 17 continuous days of 7 AM to 1 AM schedules, somehow, I (we) managed to cross the first bunch of hurdles and cruised into the next phase, for which all of us were better equipped and prepared mentally. All that preparation to get through that one more month for life to be set milestone was in vain when I (we) realized that the three months of grooming was going to be wasted grooming down doubly during that fourth month. I have talked about that many times here and am not getting into it again.

So, I'm summing up those seven months as a set of picture moment memories below:

1) September 27th 2008 (around 10 PM) - Dad hung up on his friend promising him (after lots of persuading) that he'd be there for the elections (next day) at The Kerala Club, Coimbatore. I never imagined that I'd be visiting CBE two days after I said Good-Bye. It was like a 'Always my home' kind of a thing.

2) October 21st 2008 (late evening) - Celebrated a colleague's birthday that fell on the next day. The day I realized that God was not all that cruel. He did know what and whom I liked to have around me.

3) October 31st 2008 - First salary. I was all teeth. :D My first withdrawal was to buy a shirt for Dad.

4) November 10th 2008 - First accident in my bike. Crazy old man freaks out in the middle of the NH road. My nose hit the rear view mirror with full force and bulged to the size of a capsicum. I got so much attention at work that day. :P

5) November 18th 2008 (around 9 PM) - End of the first day of C++ lab evaluation. I cracked down and cried like a little child after the pressure filled day (ever) of not talking to a SINGLE HUMAN SOUL from 9 AM to 8 PM. No food (except for a few cups of coffee). Mobile phone switched off. 100 other famished, hopeless soul-sucked beings around me. I did not feel bad about the day that had passed by (I had done my best). I was dreading the next day. The next evening, I prayed sincerely that I (we) should never ever come across two days like that forever.

6) December 6th 2008 - Played cricket at the TCE campus grounds. I had registered in the team for the New Year Cup. The batch mates who selected the team looked at each other and shook their heads in disapproval as soon as I bowled my first ball (No! The batsman did not score a run. Wrong answer!). I don't think they knew I noticed their non-verbal communication. :P I was laughing loudly inside thinking that these guys actually took me serious when I said I wanted to play. :P

7) December 25th 2008 - A Christmas I celebrated long after my Lisieux days. It was by far the happiest day for me in Madurai and the fact that I spent a gloomy 25th December 2009 is a testimonial.

8) December 29th 2008 - The day I gave up on corporates. How will you feel when someone in-charge announced that the training program you were slogging your a**es off, was actually started as a social service for the rural youth - to send them into the market (not for recruitment); and with a smile says "Have a ball on New year's eve. Don't regret later!" We did have amazing fun that New years. Only curse noises filled the room.

9) January 17th 2009 - My roommate was driving and I was the pillion rider (for a change). A phone call I was so happy to answer, but wanted to kill myself when I hung up changed my life forever.

10) February 2nd 2009 - I was back from Cbe all geared up for the (for the sake) extended training. But, the soul-sucking continued. I opened the link to submit my resignation, but the last traces of common sense forced me to shut my PC down and rush home asap (after calling sick).

11) February 19th 2009 - Got my first build (after God knows how much of effort) running successfully and tested it. I went home whole-heartedly.

12) March 5th 2009 - Gave a demo to the domain lead (periya thala) and he appreciated my efforts to have developed what I had in such a short time. Beaming with pride, I booked tickets to Cbe for the weekend.

13) March 18th 2009 - I was given a firing by my manager because I inquired about a "merit-list" they had mentioned. I was told (as a general statement), "You may be a top performer. But, I get to decide who would be working here". I sent out 65 job application mails in the next two days.

14) March 21st 2009 - Successfully headed and conducted a Medical Camp in a village near Madurai. The only day spent with purpose during my eight month stay.

15) March 31st 2009 - I went home dejected. Nine of us had applied for a development job in B'lore. Seven of us got a call for an interview the next day and no prizes for guessing, I did not. I was so depressed that my Dad forced me to go out and buy new speaker systems for my PC. :)

16) April 1st 2009 - The company that did not consider my application for the development job called me and the other guy for a testing position. We were happy but were dejected to learn that none of the seven who attended the interview that day nailed it. Third round exit. Fifth round exit etc. Nerves!

17) April 2nd 2009 (B'lore) - Seven of us attended the set of written tests and interviews. Two of us nailed it and not sure you got it right, I did! :) I was asked to join on 14th April.

18) April 3rd, 4th 2009 (Chennai) - Different company. One more written test and two rounds of interview. I did well. I went back to Madurai hoping I get it in Chennai, awaiting the results that were supposed to come by 7th .

19) 7th April 2009 (Madurai) - I resigned anyways. Even if I did not get the job in Chennai, I was going to join in B'lore. Made the decision. A confusing decision, which I realized after few months to be right. Finally, I sent the good-bye mail I was longing to send.

20) 9th April 2009 (Morning) - Results of the company in Chennai were delayed. I booked my tickets to B'lore for the 12th. It was a long weekend from the next day and if the results did not come by evening, I decided to join in B'lore.

21) 9th April 2009 (Around 7 PM) - Got a call from Chennai. I had gotten through. That phone call decided and has maneuvered my professional life and parts of my personal life since then.

22) 25th April 2009 (9 PM) - Boarded the bus to Chennai. Waved goodbye to a lot of memories, bitterness, short-lived happiness and hell a lot of learnings (technical and way more).

PS:

1) Usually I reread my posts a million times before posting. Today, I'm just posting it. So don't mind typos and the length. I'm sure you were bored by the end of it, but I thoroughly enjoyed reliving those seven months.

2) Jet Audio has looped the Varanam Ayiram tracks have around 10 times by now. So, the song selection did work for me, as always. :)

3) Regarding that cricket cup, I was in the squad though and I fielded for an over in one of the matches. We won the cup and I have a trophy at home. No, I have not listed this in the extra curricular achievements section of my resume. :)

Murder of the soul - Part I

The list was down to two and the committee was equally split on whom to vote for. Both the candidates had scored the same in all the categories and now it was up to the chairman of the jury to cast his vote. "And then I did something that is not normally done. I used a criterion that is never used. I decided to vote in favour of Rahman simply because he was a newcomer. I know what a national award means to a newcomer.", quoted Balu Mahendra, noted Cinematographer, Filmmaker and the chairman of the 1993 National Awards jury. As a result, it was Ilayaraja who missed out on a national award for Devar Magan. Balu Mahendra says that Ilayaraja totally backed his decision when he confessed later.

The national award meant that Dileep now known as A.R.Rahman, had arrived with a bang. The young chap who used to play keyboards for all of them including the likes of Mr. Karadi (TR) had not only composed an album that broke all existing chart buster records, but also had won the biggest honour of the nation for his debut film. Since then, there has been no looking back for the Mozart of Madras. He has been winning successively, statewide, region-wide, nationwide and after Feb 22nd 2009, worldwide. Throughout this stupendous journey, he has been this silent person who has not boasted of his work or talked ill about others' works, and has been very generous and truthful when it came to dividing the monetary benefits of his works among his musicians and more.

A certain so-called "management" guru wrote extensively that Rahman had sinned by scoring the music of Slumdog Millionaire (SM), which turned the spotlights towards India's downtrodden side. Well, all that made me wonder was that we are living in an era where cheap stakes who confer awards on themselves are given the chance to make crap talk. Yes, SM did throw light on the other side of India, but can anyone claim that it was a false depiction? Say what, SM was a positive movie that talked about choosing the right path and still emerge successful. When a section of people in Tamilnadu never missed out a chance to complain that Rahman doesn't care about Tamil as a language, he did not miss out on a chance to make the entire world listen to Tamil, when it mattered. "Ella Pugazhum Iravanukke!".

Earlier this year, when the audio of Vinnai Thaandi Varuvaaya (VTV) was launched, the first track that caught my attention was Aaromale. I was amazed right away because I have lived through the genius' journey and I understood that its going to hit the chords right there. That night, I was on a voice-chat with my sister and I excitedly claimed, "Aaromale is my pick of the album". My cousin, who was in the next room shouted in response, "How the hell do you like that yucky song?" He thought I never heard it. Its just that I chose not to retaliate. Two weeks later, I came back from work and I noticed that he was playing Aaromale in his player. I freshened up and understood that he is repeating it again. After a couple of hours, it was still Aaromale and throughout the night. VTV received only lukewarm response soon after its release. One month later, wherever I went, it was Omana Penne and Hosanna all the way.

The same scene repeated for Raavanan. The most foolish review I read about Raavanan's songs was that they were not as good as Guru or Alaipayuthey. If only a tribe living in a deep, interior village could sing "Pachai Nirame" to express his love, I'm sure it would have been a cake-walk for any composer. The challenge lay in bringing out emotions that are difficult to understand, which was faced pretty well, maybe not the best. I couldn't stop wondering about how healthy the communication between the director and composer should be, in order to get the minute details right.

One big disappointment was the theme composed for the Common Wealth Games (CWG). It did not even take a second hearing for me to fall in love with the track. The song sends positive energy, sportsman spirit and commitment, what more would one expect from a theme for a sporting event. Yet, it was degraded extensively.

I'm not at all claiming that my little (very little) knowledge of music helped me appreciate the beauty of his songs. Its pretty ordinary to figure out this stuff. Yet, it goes unnoticed because of one evil feel that is created without sense, one that props up because of the greed to claim appreciation using another person's work. The word is hype. The best example was to have publicized the CWG theme song as one that is going to break the records of Waka Waka.

Taking a deeper dive into the subject, has any movie before 2009 had any of the following titles for Rahman?

1) Music by: 4-time National Award Winner A.R.Rahman

2) Music by: 10-time Filmfare Award Winner A.R.Rahman

Post Feb 22nd 2009, its only been Music by: "Oscar award winner" A.R.Rahman. A banner/hoarding that is placed outside India having this title makes sense. Its a good marketing strategy. But do we Indians identify him as an Oscar award winner? The answer is no. The icon is just being used as a selling point. Of course, there are sensible people like Gautam Menon who launched the audio in London, where the phrase Oscar winner is a worthy selling point. He did not waste time marketing the music here, only because he knew it would sell without force.

What we don't understand is that amidst all the hype created around Rahman and his releases, murder is happening. Murder of the underlying soul. Murder of the music.

From Roja to Jhoota Hi Sahi, I've listened to all the tracks that Rahman has composed. Calling him my favourite musician is an understatement. As a die-hard fan of Rahman, rather a sincere lover of music, I hope he turns down offers that expect out of him the hype more than music. Jai Ho!

A thought put into action in a postive way, is a blessed thought - A.R.Rahman

PS:

1) I wanted to write lot more things as well. But, the post is way too long already. I will write it some other day. That explains the part number marked in the title.

2) Some people who read the title would have thought that I'm back to my emotional best. :) Sorry for the disappointment.

3) Big relief. I came out the 55-word fiction fever. When I looked at my blog and said, "No. This is not a 55-word fiction", it looked back at me with gratitude.