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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Irritato Sarcastico

Warning
I started this post back in Feb 2010; post might have lost the little charm intended.
Go ahead at your risk.

Had J.K.Rowling given a bit of extra thought for a spell to cause irritation, I needn't have coined one. Some people have this trait, or talent should I call it; they can just make you want to pull your hair hard, jump from the terrace of Bhurj Dubai or pack your bags and move to Shawshank. You can't talk back. You can't return the nose cut. You just can't say anything. I'm sure you pretty much got the picture. I compared it to a spell due to the dense simulacrum in the working. Like Newton's third law, the irritato spell is cast and irritation kicks off.

Irritato can alter your moods in unimaginable degrees with ease. I had mastered that spell as a kid. When I look back, I can't but feel grateful that my family did not disown me. My batchmates from Lisieux would definitely agree with me when I say "I was an unbearable jerk". However, after a while, being a jerk got so boring. So, this is just a Knowledge Sharing Session of different ways to make the Irritato spell work.

NB: This is not about unintentional irritating, its planned execution.

From someone who has been at both ends of the Irritato at some point of time.

1) If your name rhymes close to some linguistic crap word, make a tune, and sing the name and the word alternately. (Dedicated to my cousin Srinath)
Solution: Well, change your name.
2) You are listening to this hilarious story. In between the laughs, you add a statement you think will make it even funnier and the other person stops laughing the moment you say it and force a plain look. (Again, to my cousin Srinath)
Solution: Well, you should have done that first.
3) Someone is focussed and working on something unaware about what and who is around. You walk slowly, casually behind the person, take your hands close to the ears and clap them together nice and loud.
Prep Measure: Well, be prepared to escape a chase or listen to a couple of curses!
4) You prepare noodles because your brother was hungry. You make enough for both of you, but your brother divides it in such a way that you get very little share. You offer him your share as well to kindle some guilt and he shamelessly accepts the offer and eats it completely. (Sorry Swathi! :P)
Solution: Sometimes, sacrifice sucks. Don't do it!

Traditional methods aside, a lovely way to irritate people is Sarcasm. It is a term that my friend Vivek introduced to me. Well, at that time I never used to get his jokes, leave alone the meaning of the word 'sarcasm'. Now I wonder how much I would have chased him around, had I been able to get him all the time. He claimed his flavor of sarcasm to be derived from Calvin and Hobbes (if I remember right). However, it was a lost concept on me until I got used to Chandler Bing's jokes and thats being sarcastic, the Irritato way! The enhanced spell now becomes 'Irritato Sarcastico'.

Janith and Me setup the TT table at the cafeteria. It was past 7 PM and most of the lights were switched off. After unsuccessful attempts to find the switchboard, we decided that we'd have to adjust without lights. We started playing and Ananth walked in.
"Hey guys! We need some light. Where's the switchboard?", he said as soon as he noticed the lack of lighting.
"Oh! We thought TT must be played in a dark room", I said.

There are times when people come and ask for it. You are planning a trek trip for the weekend with your colleagues. One of them cannot make it but is really willing to come if the trip is postponed to the next weekend. So, she comes up with the dialog, "If you want me to come, plan it for next weekend". And Ananth said, "Well, Sorry you cannot make it to the trek trip. Bye then".

Come to think of it, without the tinge of sarcasm and teasing jokes, there's very little fun in life. I regret that I used to be a spoil sport during my childhood. If only I had laughed through the jokes about me, I could have been on a roll getting back. The moment we start overlooking the irritating part, we would understand that sensitive retaliation will lead to nothing but lack of interest on us.

Add spice to lives. Tease, irritate and be sarcastic. Cheers!

13 Expressions:

Junaid Ahamed said...

So, may be I'll get to know about Quick-witto and slapsticko in some other session?! :P :)

Janith said...

Hey chiju .. have to say this not a great post... in fact COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME and server space.. let me phrase it in a more focussed way..

"The post is sooo boring..
I cudnt be less caaaring..
Complete waste of time..
and aint worth a dime ..."

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"Add spice to lives. Tease, irritate and be sarcastic. Cheers!"

Janith said...

he he .... i am a quick learner.. :D

Chiju said...

@Junaid
Once I understand them to an extent! :)
@Janith
Bugger! Is should think about moderation for comments!! ;)
Howz that I write a boring post and u add a comment to it to make it interesting! :)

Janith said...

hey... I cud contribute to the orginal post on the topic "How to completely irritate bloggers ?"

Chiju said...

@Janith
I guess it'd be more apt if you say "How to irritate Chiju"! Oh not only that, "How to get crushed to pulp" is also good enough! :P

Janith said...

Ho love it.. Mission accomplished......

Now to start the flattering with really really sick poem and save my life part ...

ho ho Chijuu
U are like gandhiii
But so much more niceeuuuu
U dont like crushing..
That is sooo baddieeee.......
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Okei God I did my half now u can do urs.....
Waiting for tmro!!

Chiju said...

@Janith
You know whats the poem/song for you. Oh my God! Why din I include it in the post? :(
Well, if I were you, i'd have dreaded for today! :) Lets see! ;)

Vibushan L Narayan said...

I remember when I made fun of your size in the 1st year, you kicked me in my crotch :( Hence I never venture into that area with you around. I meant "that kind of size-related Jokes" area. I'm not gay :P
I used to make some jokes at office and none understood me.. left me looking like a jerk :(

Janith said...

YES I AM ALIVE and
@Vibushan .. will make a note of it.. :D

Chiju said...

@Vibushan
I don't even remember why we fought that day, except that we fought! And after that you and Vivek ended up going to Peking! :) So, tit for tat on the same day only! :P :P
@Janith
You better make a note of that and many other things. x-(

Swathi Vaidyanathan said...

The noodles thing.....U probably should have received a doctrate for irritating...I wanted to slap u, but ur cinematic dialogues that followed left us laughing for hours....

And don't say sorry man!!! I will have my revenge taken some day.

Chiju said...

@Swathi
Aaha! Neelambari kelambeetaaya! :P

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