Irritato Sarcastico

Warning

I started this post back in Feb 2010; post might have lost the little charm intended.

Go ahead at your risk.

Had J.K.Rowling given a bit of extra thought for a spell to cause irritation, I needn't have coined one. Some people have this trait, or talent should I call it; they can just make you want to pull your hair hard, jump from the terrace of Bhurj Dubai or pack your bags and move to Shawshank. You can't talk back. You can't return the nose cut. You just can't say anything. I'm sure you pretty much got the picture. I compared it to a spell due to the dense simulacrum in the working. Like Newton's third law, the irritato spell is cast and irritation kicks off.

Irritato can alter your moods in unimaginable degrees with ease. I had mastered that spell as a kid. When I look back, I can't but feel grateful that my family did not disown me. My batchmates from Lisieux would definitely agree with me when I say "I was an unbearable jerk". However, after a while, being a jerk got so boring. So, this is just a Knowledge Sharing Session of different ways to make the Irritato spell work.

NB: This is not about unintentional irritating, its planned execution.

From someone who has been at both ends of the Irritato at some point of time.

1) If your name rhymes close to some linguistic crap word, make a tune, and sing the name and the word alternately. (Dedicated to my cousin Srinath)

Solution: Well, change your name.

2) You are listening to this hilarious story. In between the laughs, you add a statement you think will make it even funnier and the other person stops laughing the moment you say it and force a plain look. (Again, to my cousin Srinath)

Solution: Well, you should have done that first.

3) Someone is focussed and working on something unaware about what and who is around. You walk slowly, casually behind the person, take your hands close to the ears and clap them together nice and loud.

Prep Measure: Well, be prepared to escape a chase or listen to a couple of curses!

4) You prepare noodles because your brother was hungry. You make enough for both of you, but your brother divides it in such a way that you get very little share. You offer him your share as well to kindle some guilt and he shamelessly accepts the offer and eats it completely. (Sorry Swathi! :P)

Solution: Sometimes, sacrifice sucks. Don't do it!

Traditional methods aside, a lovely way to irritate people is Sarcasm. It is a term that my friend Vivek introduced to me. Well, at that time I never used to get his jokes, leave alone the meaning of the word 'sarcasm'. Now I wonder how much I would have chased him around, had I been able to get him all the time. He claimed his flavor of sarcasm to be derived from Calvin and Hobbes (if I remember right). However, it was a lost concept on me until I got used to Chandler Bing's jokes and thats being sarcastic, the Irritato way! The enhanced spell now becomes 'Irritato Sarcastico'.

Janith and Me setup the TT table at the cafeteria. It was past 7 PM and most of the lights were switched off. After unsuccessful attempts to find the switchboard, we decided that we'd have to adjust without lights. We started playing and Ananth walked in.

"Hey guys! We need some light. Where's the switchboard?", he said as soon as he noticed the lack of lighting.

"Oh! We thought TT must be played in a dark room", I said.

There are times when people come and ask for it. You are planning a trek trip for the weekend with your colleagues. One of them cannot make it but is really willing to come if the trip is postponed to the next weekend. So, she comes up with the dialog, "If you want me to come, plan it for next weekend". And Ananth said, "Well, Sorry you cannot make it to the trek trip. Bye then".

Come to think of it, without the tinge of sarcasm and teasing jokes, there's very little fun in life. I regret that I used to be a spoil sport during my childhood. If only I had laughed through the jokes about me, I could have been on a roll getting back. The moment we start overlooking the irritating part, we would understand that sensitive retaliation will lead to nothing but lack of interest on us.

Add spice to lives. Tease, irritate and be sarcastic. Cheers!