Trespassing at its worst

Warning: Too long a post. Been as subtle as possible. Excuse the explicit writing, if you notice it.

Have you ever felt like cheap labor? 

Has someone picked your pocket?

Have you gotten mugged or assaulted? 

Has your best friend slept with your girl friend?

Has your boss ever abused you? 

Has someone you trusted lied to you?

Have you ever been stood up?

Have you been denied admission to a college because of your caste?

Has someone passed a racist comment on you?

Has someone stolen something very close to your heart from you?

Have you ever felt violated?

I guess if you had answered yes to any one of the ten questions, you'd have answered yes to the follow-up as well. Now answer this.

Have you ever been raped?

Isn't that the highest degree violation of one's personal space (sex/age no bar)? Which is better, getting raped or getting killed? There isn't a difference. Personally, I'd give a tiny edge to the latter because you don't have to live with it. I'm definitely not saying that someone who has been victimized by rape cannot recover from it. I'm just saying that there isn't a punishment in this world that can be given to a rapist that would make the victim feel any less violated.

All these days when I read about rape in the news, I imagined the assaulter to be a third rate criminal you'll find in the cast of a tastelessly made gangster movie. It was so naive of me to think that these people will never run in a 'normal' social circle. Yes, the use of the word normal is very deliberate because the moment one even thinks about committing such a heinous* act, the word normal automatically dislodges from their dictionary. Of all the news that has ever been reporter by TOI or any other news agency, this series grossed me out the most. The two accused are kids (read it again in capital letters - KIDS) for heaven's sake. This incident has reportedly happened in the same locality in Coimbatore where I spent my entire childhood. The victim and accused are from my Alma mater. And stressing it again, they are college kids.

It's unfair on my part to focus on this one incident, but, the fact that it could happen right next to us sends a chill up my spine. My own sister grew up in the same locality. Some of my best friends from college and my neighborhood lived and are still living there. There are 3 major schools around the area that tens of thousands of students attend. Now, I feel bad at having laughed at my dad when he got a bit worked up if my sister was even 15 minutes late from college. I finally understand why my mom used to personally accompany her tuition students to their home if they are leaving our house after darkness falls. Of all the places in all the cities of this world, I never imagined it could happen there. I'm still unable to come to terms with the fact that it can never, ever, be 100% safe.

On one hand if we can put the blame on illiteracy and growing up in a bad environment for most cases, there's the other side of the story. There's just too much access these days. As parents, especially the ultra-rich class who just think that their kids are still kids, provide all the access they need - Credit cards, Smart phones, Ultra books, High-Speed Internet connection and what not. But, at least in countries like India where technology has penetrated into the deepest of even the rural areas, parental guidance hasn't stepped in at all. Most of the kids get their own room (in some cases their own flat) because the parents appreciated their privacy. Heck, I had my own room throughout my 4 years in college, but, I'm sure I couldn't have sneaked in as much as a safety pin in to it and my father wouldn't have found out. I'm not saying that there should be no respect for the kid's privacy. I feel it's important to talk to the kids and make them feel comfortable about discussing what's going on in school/college, who their friends are (esp in the opposite sex) and not pick on and judge every single thing the kid does.

Most victims don't come out and speak up. I wouldn't blame them either. Some reporter in TOI is always waiting to unleash his creative best in reporting this, because it's not about sense, it's about sensational (I ripped that part out of a The Hindu ad in 2011). After all the physical torture that lasted only for a few minutes, there's the social torture that's going to last a lifetime. At this juncture, how do you blame anyone for being conservative and non-trusting?

However, the most painful part about all this is that, we always find someone else to blame. Why did you go out at that time? Why did you wear this? Why did you talk to a boy? Doesn't this college take security of students seriously? Is the police department sleeping? Take the case that I had shared above, for instance. I'm sure there are at least a handful of filthy people who blame the girl to have gone to the twins' apartment. Oh yes, going to a friend's apartment is indeed a "heinous crime".

Last year, I saw an episode of Neeya Naana where a doctor said that man is a beast who wears the mask of civilization. So, provocative dressing by a woman will unleash the beast within him. She also mentioned that the middle eastern culture of a woman wearing a burka not only safe guards her from the beast but also helps her personality. I'm not sure if it's just me or did that make no sense whatsoever, no matter how scientifically proven a fact it is. This is just a classic example of mankind being an extremist. We know both extremes. We don't know balance. We don't know moderate.

Nothing, nothing ever is an excuse. Not provocative dressing. Not the time of the day. Not biology. Not geography. Not culture. Not tradition. It's just simple. No matter what, You don't rape someone. YOU DON'T RAPE ANYONE.

*Rape is a heinous crime no matter how tastefully or how violently it was committed.

Nine months that...

I strongly belive that life never hands out anything that one can't handle. The funny part is that there are always times when one feels why life gave him/her that much credit.

Nine months since I stopped writing in this space. The nine months like any other nine months that taught me something or the other. The nine months at the beginning of which life as I knew it was reset. The nine months at the end of which begins probably another significant time period. The nine months that altered a lot of things about me, my lifestyle, my work, my happiness, my dreams, my livelihood and even the city/country I lived.

One year ago I wouldn't have dreamt of visiting The Great Wall of China (of all places). But, I was there last Friday, not just there, we climbed up to the top most point possible, and not just that, it snowed heavily, like a storm, just for 10 minutes - the same 10 minutes we chose to be there. The timing was simply brilliant. Call it God. Call it Nature. Call it Science. Call it Music. I know it was one thing. Bliss.

Life is all about such wonderful timing. It keeps on springing surprises - some good, some bad. You never get to settle down. If you are ambitious, and go for something, you may get it, sometimes really quick, but, it never comes alone. There is always the package that comes along, and at the top of the list are people who think you didn't deserve it. Somehow the most fitting explanation becomes luck or right place at the right time. It is only temporary though. Bad times come back and all those people you always looked out for, stood by and stood up for will be too busy to even notice that something is wrong. Suddenly, whatever you say, whatever you do, is controversial. In the end, you get hit where it hurts most - that blank stare of insignificance as if you were nothing but a piece of botheration. No one has the time to sit and think. Even Newton didn't bother coming up with a fourth law once he figured the third one out.

And with a big mouth, all this becomes even more harder. If the timing is not right, more often than not, you talk yourself into situations than out of them. After living a childhood full of lies (so many of which friends and family still believe to be true), I eventually gave the habit up because decieving had become so easy. Then I stepped in to an industry where truth has no value. Everybody wants to play mind games, extract information indirectly (someone needs to tell these duffers that all they have to do is ask), spam mail boxes and expect you to spam theirs as well in the name of keeping in the loop, say thank you when they don't mean it at all and the biggest scam of all - diplomacy.

Is life that hard? When you sit down to think about all the zillion people who always seem to be happy, you realize that it's no magic. They are human beings too. The common factor in all those zillion people I know is that they absolutely know who they are. They give credit to what they can and don't commit to want they cannot. It's impossible to be perfect (at least to the eyes of everyone) because perfect is such a relative term. In the quest of being that perfect son, perfect brother, perfect friend, perfect employee you end up being an imperfect self.

Amidst all this, what makes life worth it are those small moments like the snow in great wall, looking at a random set of characters that your 2 year old niece types in to the IM window while chatting with your sister, sharing a silly laugh with your colleagues over tea or that persistent hope of goodwill that this will pass on. The moments where ego doesn't matter, moments when you could be yourself rather than being correct. A world where people look for relationships rather than perfect match. A world where people leave their business strategies at the shoe stand (and the shoe stand at the entrace or outside of the house). A world where the excited tweeter doesn't get blamed for Sachin getting out in the 90s.

It has been a great nine months nonetheless. If all goes well, I'll write more and more about it. Eitherways, one important lesson that I'll never forget is that I'm not perfect and I will never be. Most importantly, I'd expect nothing less from the people around me.

No name!

Everything eventually ends. I don't know why it has to. But, they say it's the law of the universe. That I can agree. Apparently, everyone knew about this. I was the late pick-up! :P However, I just had one question. If you know everything is eventually going to end, why are you so keen to end it yourself? If I ask this, I'm being impractical. Any the ways, this post is not about being practical and all. But, it's about ending something. Keep reading.

So, I started this blog back in Feb 2008. I didn't start it because I had anything to say to anyone. It was just an instinct. I helped my dad with a write-up and he loved it. Of all the things I could have done (I had hell a lot of assignments to write), I went online and created a space on blog spot. It's just the disadvantage of giving away free blog accounts. Anyways, I was filling out the necessary forms and when I came to point of the title, I paused. What to name the blog? After two hours, I typed in CHIJU SPEAKS. No, it didn't take me two hours to come up with the name. I got a call when I paused. I was talking on the phone for the next two hours. When I came back to my system, I saw the cursor blinking on the text box and I named my blog instantly.

Naming it was simple because, everyone knows how much Chiju Speaks. Some people hate it when I keep talking. Don't worry about the rest, I don't talk to them! :P The irony is that the people I love to talk to are the ones who hate it when I keep talking. :P My dad for example. I can't imagine how many times he has explicitly told me, "Konja neram peshama iru" (Except for the tam bram slang, that just means - "Shut your mouth for sometime"). But, I can just sit and keep chatting with him for hours. He's such a great listener. I wouldn't blame anyone though. So, if you have ever felt bad that you cut me out when I was in a flow of talking, don't worry. I totally forgive you. Trust me, even I can't take it when someone talks like me. :)



I can't believe this space has been there for 4 years. Maybe it doesn't sound that long because I remember writing every single post. If I just focus away from the bad posts, I'm sure I have brought a smile on many people's faces by writing here. That's the biggest complement to this space and myself.


I would like to thank all the people who kept me going in this front.
Swathi - My first inspiration to writing anything. If you commented on a post, I would know I have written a good one.
Vibushan & Vivek - To have introduced the word blogging to me. When you were active bloggers, I have shared your blog links to people more than mine. :)
Navneeth - Whenever we used to have a chat, I used to get an idea to write here. I hope one day what you dreamed about my writing comes true! :P
Aneesh & VJ - To have commented in almost every post. You guys kept this space going for a long time.
Swetha - To have always been frank and honest about telling me what exactly you felt about whatever Chiju spoke.

And to the very few readers who used to remind me about writing here once in a while. Thanks.

Chiju Speaks will shut down at 7:15 PM on July 2nd 2012.