No name!

Everything eventually ends. I don't know why it has to. But, they say it's the law of the universe. That I can agree. Apparently, everyone knew about this. I was the late pick-up! :P However, I just had one question. If you know everything is eventually going to end, why are you so keen to end it yourself? If I ask this, I'm being impractical. Any the ways, this post is not about being practical and all. But, it's about ending something. Keep reading.

So, I started this blog back in Feb 2008. I didn't start it because I had anything to say to anyone. It was just an instinct. I helped my dad with a write-up and he loved it. Of all the things I could have done (I had hell a lot of assignments to write), I went online and created a space on blog spot. It's just the disadvantage of giving away free blog accounts. Anyways, I was filling out the necessary forms and when I came to point of the title, I paused. What to name the blog? After two hours, I typed in CHIJU SPEAKS. No, it didn't take me two hours to come up with the name. I got a call when I paused. I was talking on the phone for the next two hours. When I came back to my system, I saw the cursor blinking on the text box and I named my blog instantly.

Naming it was simple because, everyone knows how much Chiju Speaks. Some people hate it when I keep talking. Don't worry about the rest, I don't talk to them! :P The irony is that the people I love to talk to are the ones who hate it when I keep talking. :P My dad for example. I can't imagine how many times he has explicitly told me, "Konja neram peshama iru" (Except for the tam bram slang, that just means - "Shut your mouth for sometime"). But, I can just sit and keep chatting with him for hours. He's such a great listener. I wouldn't blame anyone though. So, if you have ever felt bad that you cut me out when I was in a flow of talking, don't worry. I totally forgive you. Trust me, even I can't take it when someone talks like me. :)



I can't believe this space has been there for 4 years. Maybe it doesn't sound that long because I remember writing every single post. If I just focus away from the bad posts, I'm sure I have brought a smile on many people's faces by writing here. That's the biggest complement to this space and myself.


I would like to thank all the people who kept me going in this front.
Swathi - My first inspiration to writing anything. If you commented on a post, I would know I have written a good one.
Vibushan & Vivek - To have introduced the word blogging to me. When you were active bloggers, I have shared your blog links to people more than mine. :)
Navneeth - Whenever we used to have a chat, I used to get an idea to write here. I hope one day what you dreamed about my writing comes true! :P
Aneesh & VJ - To have commented in almost every post. You guys kept this space going for a long time.
Swetha - To have always been frank and honest about telling me what exactly you felt about whatever Chiju spoke.

And to the very few readers who used to remind me about writing here once in a while. Thanks.

Chiju Speaks will shut down at 7:15 PM on July 2nd 2012. 

How to name it

Sometimes you want things. Sometimes you want them so badly. Sometimes you just know you want them but you are nowhere near to getting them. Most often than not, you end up not getting it. "Oh! What's with the pessimism Chiju?" Yeah, I heard that, but keep reading. Sometimes you know you want the thing and you know you may not get it, but you put your heart and soul in to it. You work on it a little bit everyday. But, no one notices. No one understands you, what you are doing and why you are doing it all the time, until, one fine day. You make it there.

There is a phrase in Tamil that says "vaayala vada sudaradhu". A colleague calls it (for "security" reasons of course) "Mouth Vada Frying (MVF)", in butler English. People brag all the time about all that they can do. I do that big time. But, when you see them get in to the field, you'll realize that it's just about all the theory and not one bit of application. Yes. I'm guilty of that most of the time. But, once I've committed something (except if it's about me pulling down) to someone, I think I've met the expectations. Anyways, this is not about me. So, let's leave that there.

If you ask me about it, sample out people randomly off the street and I'd say 17/20 are experts in MVF. Most of them, not by choice. As my gtalk status used to read, the reality bitch sucks (TRBS). We just don't get to keep our word. So, what about the other 3? How do they achieve what they want? How do they do it so seamlessly? It's funny to think that we live in the same bitchy world as them.

In this world that's full of so many successful people, you can never go short on inspirations. Sometimes, just talking about your past to someone will make you realize that what you've pulled in the past is more than what you think of yourself right now. Throw "Past is Past" at my face and I'll fling it right back at you with it's not about living in the past, but, living out of it.

To make it there needs something extra. Focus! If the focus is on the little piece of the puzzle, you are likely to lose interest soon. But, if it's all about the big picture, someday or the other, all the pieces will fall in to place. And to say that, I may not have achieved anything, but, I've seen people who have. People who I had all my life, people who are living so close to me that I wonder why I never thought I should learn something from them.

People who never reacted to that all that negative criticism, when all I did was achieve those small points, impressing people that didn't matter and creating an impression about things that didn't matter. In short, I never really was sure about the big picture. The past few months have been very humbling and it's literally like being reborn. I have learnt to be a lot more patient, keep to myself and most important of all - I now know that there is a big picture.

In short, it's all about the focus. If you think you are doing the right thing by starting with chiseling the big mountain, keep doing it. That's advise for myself. Take it if you feel it applies to you.

It's so refreshing to have written one full post here after 6 months. See ya folks. :)

Long time no see

A drunkard needs no audience. Once the alcohol strikes the right chords, the performance starts. For instance, there was this "chair"man at Harris Jeyaraj's concert last week. Santosh and me were seated in the first row of our bay and right in front of the giant LED screen put up there. Suddenly, an obviously drunk guy jumped in front of the screen and started dancing like crazy. He then picked up an empty chair and was going great guns with it. We immediately named him the "chair"man. He didn't care if someone was looking. He just wanted to dance. Seconds later, a creepy guy came and stood in front of us, one hand placed on his hip and the other hanging by the side. I was actually scared for a moment. I wasn't sure what he was going to do. He was just standing there. Was he going to jump? Pounce? Dance? What? Then, I looked towards the direction he was staring. I realized that he was posing for a photo. I told Santosh and we weren't sure if it was the guy or the way he was standing or the "chair"man effect, we just broke into such a big laughter. We were just uncontrollable. Immediately as the poser guy walked back, another guy came and stood in the same pose. I did not need to turn back to realize that this was the previous poser's friend (who was taking the photo before). We laughed even hard. And the family guy next to us finally understood why we were laughing and joined us. I have had lots of lighter moments in the past few months, but that was an all time best. I'm totally off topic (but Santosh wanted me to write about this).

So, a drunkard needs no audience and my blog used to be like that. There was a time when I loved to write here. I used to make up topics even if I had none in mind. However, I get so many ideas while driving or sitting idle at work or eating in a restaurant but, I'm just not able to write. Maybe my job (even though I'm totally vetti right now) has made me like this. As such I'm not a self motivated person. People who know me will know that if I'm doing something, there is something about it that makes me happy. Sometime last year, I decided I'll never write about my personal life and I haven't written much since then. Maybe that bragging quality of mine was my muse to write here. I don't know why I'm trying to maintain a low profile these days (thanks to FB, I haven't pulled that invisibility cloak fully on).

This is why you shouldn't suck at handling changes. Changes! Again, I have written so much about that. Changes, small or big, I freak out big time. I raise the panic button over and over. This time it was my Dad. We drive each other so mad and keep fighting for at least 30% of the day (we sleep for 30% and don't see each other for the other 40%). He left to Kuwait last week. Staying alone is not new to me, but, we fought so much in the last two weeks of his stay in Chennai that the house is awfully silent. There are a series of events that happen at such situations.

As usual, I first tried to deny that it feels weird (which if I hadn't done I wouldn't have had any problem in first place). The next stage is a short time frame of loneliness which has three states of mind. 1) Blaming yourself for everything, 2) Blaming everyone else for everything and 3) Pissing off the closest things you have for company. In a week's time I have successfully gone through all the three states. I guess I have set things right. Anyways, after that it's the buck up and get a life stage which pretty much is slang for back to normalcy. And hence this post.

Tagging Vibushan and Vasundhara who also share similar behavior from time to time (but I still claim top spot for pissing off people). Ok, Vibushan I heard the "Dawg" you just said. :P

Coming back to topic (I seriously doubt if I had one), recently, I stumbled on to a blog called the The Writer's Mess (thanks to VJ), which had lot of chapter wise stories. I read a couple of them. One, My sister's Daughter which was really good in the start, but lost track of the plot somewhere towards the fag end. And the other, Whodunit which was decent for a crime story. Either way, it was good time pass.

This has kinda inspired me to try my hand on a couple of stories too. I have so many plots in mind, but in all cases just the first chapter. I'm just in a fix if I should start with cliched romance or 'Castle' inspired crime thrillers or 'Lost' inspired fiction. I guess I will make up my mind by this weekend. From my past experiments of such starts, I guess, from Monday my project work would commence, in which case you may not have to put up with it. Lets see.

Predominantly, the idea is to try and regain the want to write here more often. Also, I'm running an experiment to see if I can, at some stage of my life, learn to stick to a schedule (which I hate). Well, if you are receiving mail updates, I hope you'd read the stories and give me feedback. If everything goes as planned, I should start tomorrow.

Tomorrow, October 17th, also marks the birthday of my lovable sister Swathi. Maybe, if I start it on her b'day I'll be as determined as her to keep writing.

Happy Birthday Swathi! :) This birthday is double special for you, one obviously because of Diksha. The other? I'll wait before I dedicate an entire post for that. I'm sure you know what it is. :) Have a great birthday!