Bites - After KITES

Director: Hey! So, you've got some time?

Hero: Mmmm... How much time?

Director: Say... Two and half years. Not more.

The producer joins the conversation.

Producer: Oh! Thats not much! We could go forward if you have a strong script

Hero (disappointedly): Dad! Strong script? So, thats the focus now?

Producer: Arrey Bheta! I'm just practicing already for the many press conferences we have to be in. Just getting into the feel.

Hero: Fine then. Lets get to business. I have quite a few learnings from my last chic flick.

Director: Like?

Hero: I got a fan mail from a woman that said, just before the climax of the movie, she climaxed. We need to improve the turn-around time. Intermission should be our focus.

Director: Well, I've not added that to the script. We'll put a song where u could wear an unbuttoned sleeveless shirt and show it all off. [After a short pause] Before Intermission.

Producer: I like the way you narrate. Keep going!

Hero: Next! I can dance really well. So...

The director cuts him off.

Director: Say no more. I'll get the music director to tune up a song where u can dance your whatever off.

Hero: Fantastic! I think you're winning my interest.

Director: So, where do we shoot? Goa?

Hero: Hey! You said two and half years. We'd better try and see a lot of foreign countries.

Director: So, LA, Las Vegas and Mexico? What say?

Producer: Yeah Bheta! Sounds like an idea.

Hero: And about the heroism factor, I'd want to careful about it. Last time, I think I crossed the line.

Director: Well, we can keep you running with the bad guys chasing most of the time. And in the end, you can jump of a peak and die. How'd that be?

Producer: Hey! But, he can't die. Have Indian Heroes started doing that already?

Director: Your son could be a trend setter in that area.

Hero: Sounds like something I could do. We'll work on that. If it comes out good, we'll pick it up.

Director: Sure sir. Next, about the heroine. Sameera Reddy?

Hero: Well, I want two. One HOT Indian and one foreign chic.

Producer: Foreign chic? Why exactly?

Hero: They pull off bikini and two piece scenes considerably easier. Also, if we could get a foreign language involved, we could confuse the audience for a while.

Director: Ok, why two?

Hero (in a depressed tone): No Triangular love? And makes a puppy face.

Director: Sure!

Hero: We'll decide whom I'm dumping, later.

Director: Ok. Foreign locale. Foreign chic. Noted.

Producer: The stunts should be surreal.

Director: Sure. Cars, Buses, Bikes, Parachutes - everything would fly around the place.

Producer: This is just a start. I have all the money to crap.

Hero: Cool. I've got a rich dad. Don't forget the many chase scenes and the many gun shots and blood wrath.

Director: Of course of course!

They complete the discussion of almost everything.

Producer: So, lets check if we have everything we need.

Director: A rocking dance, the mind blowing physique of your son, unbuttoned sleeveless shirts, Indian chic, Foreign chic, Bikini & two piece scenes, Triangular love, Chase scenes, Surreal stunts, gun shots, blood wrath and jumping off a cliff. From your side?

Producer: Many press conferences, my son praising the foreign chic for no reason, exaggerated interviews and a bot for incrementing the hits in the internet. Anything else?

Director: You're one of the best producers I have ever worked with.

Producer: Cool. Whats the story?

Director: With all those in the list, we can make something up. Mad movie goers will give us the returns by the opening weekend. And a confusing screenplay will blow the audiences' pretty dumb brains off.

Producer & Hero (unanimously) : Wow! You're one of the best directors we've ever worked with.

And the movie called BITES went on floor.

Jump the Shark

Saturday, 15th May 2010 was one of the most important days in my life. Its a day where I proved that I'm brave enough to face grave danger. Well, considering the present situation, people might have guessed easily that I watched Suraa* yesterday. But, that's just not it. I went one step ahead and saw Aasal* as well (on the same day).

But, I'm not going to talk about Aasal. Its too late now. Again, reviews about Suraa have been floating around for a while. But, I'm writing this just to prove wrong those dodos who think the movie is nothing but a piece of crap. The entire lot is mistaken. For all I say, Suraa is an epic movie, portraying different talents of various technicians who have handled different technology with the niche of a exquisite craftsman. We should call it Vijay's Magnum Opus for all the effort and brilliance that has been put into it.

PVR charged me Rs. 135 (15 bucks extra for online booking). Well, does it sound costly? I'd say different. The protagonist shoots himself out from the middle of the sea and swims to the shore like a shark with the tinge of dolphin style jumping. Ten minutes into the movie and I've seen what is worth 75 bucks. What a lovely way to introduce the hero and justify the title of the movie! Keep it up! The BG for the title song was good. Though nothing but a Rahman tune rearranged, it was pleasant.

So, the movie goes about rib tickling the audience then and there. Well, then comes this interesting turning point of the movie where Suraa is disguised as a Sardhar Customs Officer. He and his friends shoot nothing but a set of what I can only call Diwali-Rockets at a smuggler's boat. The deceived smugglers cry out loud that they are attacked using Rocket Launchers by the Indian Customs. Wah! Sheer brilliance! The movie is already worth 300 bucks. Isn't it?

"He is so stereotype. Doesn't bother changing his looks for every movie and is hesitant to join the six pack gang", a popular statement about Vijay. Finally, he decided to do something about it in Suraa. I'm sure he sat down and thought about the various troubles he could go through. Poor guy, had he the thighs of Ajith in Attakaasam, he'd have reduced multiple kilos and proved it. He did not go Surya's way building his body (Vijay is pretty ok body-wise) or Vikram's change of looks (Thank God he did not). In the end, he decided to wear a jet black leather jacket, a tight black t-shirt and a tie (like) on top of the T-shirt throughout the second half of the movie. Well, whats the big deal in that? Try doing it in the Chennai weather and you'll know. Hats off Illaya Thalapathi!

Stunt sequences need a special mention. They have rented out L&T cranes that make horror sounds, as Suraa beats a couple of hundred people. Well, to make it seem natural, that the sequence is happening in a construction site, these cranes continue to keep working. Except that they are lifting air (which is very heavy) and putting the air from one side on to the other. Well, I've not explained this part that well. You gotta watch it.

I can see that the director was very particular that he establish his aptitude for technology in Suraa (easily understandable from the Rocket Laucher scene, yet, one more comes). The Villain employs Chinese/Japanese programmers (they looked like Nepalis though) to program a bomb that could only be detonated/switched off (as in chuich off) remotely from a boat. "Ha Ha", laughs the gagged up Suraa. Well, he was intelligent enough to invite the Villain's family as chief guest to the function that is to be bombed. What are the odds that the villain, the goons and all the programmers evacuate the boat that chuiches off the bomb, to hit Suraa black and blue. Rookie Mistake!!!! Lucky they were, that Suraa could untie himself and jump onto the remote boat and chuich off the bomb (actually he pulls out every single wire in the surrounding). I wonder if he unzipped his pants as well, just in case, you know! Phew!

So people who think this is a bad movie say so, only because they are ignorant to see all the greatness! Hail the Team Suraa!

A lots of good and true things have been told in this movie about politicians, land mafia and the plight of the fishermen. Only, I don't think the messages conveyed haven't sinked in because the audience were too busy laughing their a**es off! :)

I've not mentioned Vadivel or Tamanna because they are all masked with the unintentionally funny gimmicks of the daring Shark! :)

*Suraa (means Shark) - Latest movie of Tamil actor Vijay**

*Aasal (means Original) - Latest movie of Tamil actor Ajith**

Vijay & Ajith - Two jokers of Tamil Cinema who don't realize that Superstar is what he is because of 25+ years of hard work.

PS:

1) The phrase, "Jump The Shark" was born as a metaphor for when a show (TV series) completely loses and forgets why people watch it. :)

2) I like Vijay and Ajith as actors, yet so irritated with what they are doing these days. Fans excuse the review! :)

Vetti aapicer special movies

There is no need to define the term in the title. There is not a better feeling than be a Vetti aapicer. One may ask what's the big deal? My answer would be "Try!"

There is a scene from a Tamil movie where Vadivel challenges a guy to be a Vetti Aapicer for one hour or else take 10 whackings with a whip, and you know who wins the joke. Another instance I always remember, is from F.R.I.E.N.D.S, where Joey proves to Chandler that the coffee shop is less than 100 foot steps from their apartment, and Chandler replies, "You've got way too free time Joe!" (or is it for some other reason he says that?? whatever...)

Well, to clarify all the doubts, I'm employed and am busy with my work. This post also doesn't refer to any of the anybodies I know who are vetti! :P

The thing is that my system is under repair, I guess the hard disk committed suicide, and with it went my entire collection of anything and everything. So, @people-I-know, don't be surprised when I come to you hunting for all the photos you might have taken from me. Unfortunately, I've got a great memory in these respects.

So, having nothing to do at home or the small matchbox I live in, or to console myself about my PC, which is in coma, I've seen "almost" every movie in my list and I covered it in the last 2 weeks. Simawl reviews following.

Goa - Watchable (once)
A very light-hearted movie with nothing called story, but rightly tagged as "A Venkat Prabhu holiday". Very late to say this, but, please don't go with any Saroja or Chennai 28 expectations and you will return satisfied. Sampath has acted very well. Jai's English dialogues were so hilarious that I can't stop laughing about it even now. Everybody were something different and nice, but Premji was so cliched and boring. Pia was so adorably cute and I've not stopped thinking about her as well. :P The song Idhu Varai was so romantic with Andrea's sexy voice. Cheers to the song!

My Name is Khan - I loved it, Screw the rest! :P
Brushing aside other reviews, I loved the movie. I never felt that SRK has over acted, which I thought otherwise before seeing the movie. The first half was a good mix of humor and emotions, but the second half was intense and in a good way. Kajol was not so cute as featured in the trailers. Well, she looked the age she has played. When the movie was in the making, I felt, its just gonna be some kind of drama crap, portraying SRK as the King Khan or something. The movie was nothing like that, but the title is still so apt. Leaving it there.

Striker - Fantastic Attempt
Siddarth has been my favorite since Ayitha Ezhuthu and I'm always interested when I hear his name in the cast. Rang De Basanti (the first Hindi movie I saw in the big screen) and Bommarilu (the only Telugu movie I've ever seen) were two movies I saw, only for Sid and Striker was the latest addition. It is a great attempt. There are obvious problems (not calling them flaws) in the screenplay and the language was difficult to follow. They could have definitely tried to come up with a better link between carrom board and communal riots. Claps to the song "Cham Cham" - simply wow! Its a soothing qawwali type number and the first time I heard it, I knew I had to change my caller tune.

Tamil Padam - ROFL
None other than Shiva could have filled in for the protagonist. The spoof suits him so very well. The side-kicks of Shiva have done their best to keep up and it has worked out pretty well. Every formula of Tamil movies have been targeted. I believe the director made a list of all the films he hated, wrote against them the reasons and the script of Tamil Padam was ready. However, a 2hr plus Lollu-Sabha is more than too much to take. Looking at it as individual scenes would make a lot of difference than looking at it as a movie. This is a movie for all those Peter people with this pickup line, "Taaaamil movies are crap!".

Naanayam - Something different?
Fascinated by the magnum opus in movies like Oceans series and Bank Job, many directors want to re-use those concepts in Kollywood and we have a winner here. A no-nonsense storyline, simple screenplay and at times irritating but credible cinematography. Prasanna (again, one of my favorites) plays security officer of a bank and scores as usual. Sibi was a bad choice, but I can see him grow as a villain in future. Let's wish him luck. I never expected SPB to play such a different role. What pained me was, when I was walking out, I heard a lady say to her husband, "I warned you that we should have seen Vettaikaran" - one reason why Kollywood directors never bother to attempt out of the way stuff.

PS:
1) Well, I've asked at least 10 people till now and none of them want to accompany me to see Avatar.
2) I'm looking forward to Vinnai Thaandi Varuvaaya, releasing this weekend.
3) I hope to setup my system again this weekend. Prayers requested! :(

Abhiyum Naanum - A must watch

NB: This is not a review. It is just an experience shared.

Eight months after this movie released, finally I got a chance to see this movie. I had once seen it back in Madurai. In a Rs. 20/= DVD with a lot of "Clip-Clop" sounds in between. Also, I was dealing with a stupid problem that day, I had to walk away from the computer at least 6 times in between.

"Abhiyum Naanum", from Duet Movies. Right from the time I heard about this movie, I was longing for it. I kept on checking the websites for news about its release. Especially after Mozhi, who would not want to see another one from the same team.


Talking about the acting, needless to say Prakashraj has taken the burden of the entire movie with the support of Radhamohan's screenplay. Basically, "Abhi.." is a movie about a father who finds it hard to let go off his daughter, the situations he is put through and how he handles the same. I believe there is an English movie starring Steve Marting in the same lines, not sure about the name though.

This movie is a must-watch for everyone who is in some relationship or other. The primary reason being, everyone will find something or the other to relate to. A dad, a mom, a daughter, a wife, a lover, a servant, a friend and the list goes on. The mind blowing aspect that attracted me so much is that the movie is so real in what it is conveying.

Everybody mess up big time in their relationships (no matter what the relationship is). A dad says the most unexpected things to his children. A daughter cuts you out with harsh words. A wife behaves as if it is not a big deal when you feel the world is falling down. One day, we'll realize that it was perhaps the words they used and not the meaning they wanted to convey.

Though I couldn't direclty relate to the character on screen, I could grab instances of my past, present and future (expected) then and there.

Those who have seen this movie, I'm sure you'd appreciate the movie in one way or the other. Those who have not seen the movie, don't miss it. The best time to see it is now. Who knows? You may find the answers to a lot of questions running in your mind.

I certainly did. When Prakashraj says, "Life is Beautiful", in the end, one does feel that, the exact same words were what they kept looking for all the way through the movie. Some find them. Some keep looking until he says it himself.

Hats off Radhamohan. Hats off Prakashraj! Can't wait to see the next marvel.

PS: Guys and gals who can't understand why your parents behave a bit different from what you expect them to, please watch this movie and you'll get to know what you wanted to. The tagline says it all.