2015

I don't completely understand the concept of the social media (read as Facebook) year in review. My definition of Facebook is a forum to post/share stuff in a whim when you're in that sweet spot between excitement and sugar rush or frustration and ferocity or doubt and totally clueless. Our daily life demands a lot of our intelligence, clarity in thought and patience, makes us very tired and has a lot of reality in it, at least my life does. Looking at a bunch of funny lines, places checked in, profile/cover photos changed every three or so months and meaningless hashtags shouldn't be the year in review exactly. If those are the only things that made my year, Man! I'm living a pathetic life.

The last time I wrote year end posts were in 2009 and 2010. I read those before I started writing this one and realized how tacky they are. The 2009 post was tackier than the 2010. That says something, isn't it? No matter what I had or wanted to say, I was writing regularly back then. Yes, it was a simpler "empty vessels make more noise" time. Today, when I read those posts, I can't but wonder how different life is. The definition of what is important and what makes me happy/sad/angry etc is completely obsolete now. The people in my day-to-day, the people who read my blogs and the priorities of who have all changed. It's definitely embarrassing to think about the person I used to be, but there are no regrets.

Given a choice, I'd pick the lifestyle of 2010 at the blink of an eye. Yes, I was naive, I was a tacky blogger, I was blurting out stuff on Facebook, I had no direction in life (please don't ask me what's my direction now), but I remember being happier, I remember having more fun. My life was definitely more eventful and I definitely had more people around me. I can think of 5 different people who would read this and tell me to "get married soon". But, that's not at all what I'm talking about. That nearly perfect gang or a like minded, non-busy friend/sibling/cousin to whom you can fallback at all situations can never be replaced by a marriage. I'm neither complaining nor blaming anyone for moving on. Unfortunately, I'm mature enough to understand that everything has a time and place and people have no other choice than to move on and that's the right thing to do as well. Enough said about why I'd rather pick 2010.

This year has been a different kind of mixed bag. I can fill about 1000 pages of cliche to talk about 2015. The most important aspect of this year is that I have learned to live with myself. Couple of years ago, a very wise soul mentioned to me that learning to live with oneself is the first step in learning to live with others. It did not hit me then, but, over time I realized that half of the problems we have with other people are actually problems we have with ourselves. So, my main motto (I like this word better than resolution) at the beginning of the year was to fall in love with myself. I wouldn't claim that I'm fully there yet, but, I can feel that I'm somewhere on the way.

Materially speaking - For the first time in life, I'm a car owner (February) and home owner (in India - July). These were definitely the best things in the material side of life. An annoyingly practical way to look at it is that I'm in more debt compared to 2014 (when I was in zero debt).

The good son of Vegas - I took my dad to Las Vegas. My dad has traveled a lot during his youth, but being the one to take him to Vegas meant a lot to me. Just to top off that feeling of growing up.

The uncle becomes the uncle - On April 12th, my sister gave birth to Diya, her second daughter. Unlike when Diksha (Diya's elder sister) was born, I haven't been able to see Diya in person yet. That's definitely a regret for 2015. Coming soon, hopefully.

I, Driver - Most of the fun times I have had in 2015 are in the driver seat of the black beauty below. The first thing I do when I get in to the car is turning the music on. Driving around the silicon valley and amidst the hills listening to Rahman and Ilaiyaraja have by far been the best moments of 2015.

14000 miles in 10 months says something, doesn't it?

From hog to hug -  I have become a pure vegetarian since September. I have always wanted to be one, but, egg and chicken are too tasty. I'm usually on and off in this area, but I feel it this time and it may be the real deal.

Walkathon - I've taken to brisk walking as an activity. Yes, it sounds like a 'thaatha' (grandpa) exercise, but I'm really astounded by how beneficial it has been for me. Having a job that's mentally draining and physically futile, walking has helped me in both areas. I've clocked around 350 miles of 15-16 min/mile dedicated walking activity in the past 100 odd days. Apart from the benefits, I'm actually keeping at it which is a great deal.

Chiju Sings - I performed in the PayPal Risk Diwali party this year. After 3 long years, I went up that stage and sang a classical number. And with that a band (tentatively named as Swaralaya) was formed. It wasn't the cleanest of performances. I did mess up a lot of notes, but, I enjoyed as hell.

Happy Toasting - This has been the another very productive part of my year. I've been progressing rapidly in my Toastmasters journey. I've been the VP-Education of my club since January and I'm really loving it every bit. I finished my Competent Communicator (CC), Competent Leadership (CL) and Advanced Leadership Bronze (ALB) in 2015 and I'm five speeches away from my Advanced Communicator Bronze (ACB).

Intimacy at its best - Since I came to the US, I've been wishing for Rahman to visit for a LIVE concert tour. I missed it when (a mini version of ) it happened in Boston last year. Finally in June, Rahman toured North America with a new concept called "The Intimate Tour". True to it's name, it was fresh, intimate and real. He performed in the San Jose Civic Center with a minimal band. We got the perfect seats with a straight line of sight. I couldn't ask for more when it came to watching him LIVE.

Line of sight to witness magic

I'm looking at the W.E.N.U.S and I'm not happy - In the work front, things have been really fruitless. It has been that kind of year where the results have been in reach of the eyes, but, the hands almost always keeps grabbing at nothing. 2016 is definitely going to be interesting in this front and I'm excited about it.

Movies I loved: OK Kanmani, Thani Oruvan, Tamasha, Premam, The Martian, Baahubali

Albums most looped: OK Kanmani, Uttama Villan, Naanum Rowdy Thaan, Yennai Arindhal

Favorite Book: Conversations with Mani Ratnam (I read it only this year)

Hoping to write more in 2016. Looking forward to an exciting 2016. Wish you all a Happy New Year!

Always ARR

Yesterday (Oct 24th) Rahman performed at Berklee School of Music, Boston, where he was also conferred upon an honorary doctorate. He also conducted a master class at the performance center. I saw this ad back in July and immediately thought that I should be there, but for many reasons I decided against it. I have been to the Jai Ho tour concert at Chennai in 2009, but this would have been an exquisite experience. The sound quality and occasion it would have made it more electrifying.

Last week I drove up to San Franciso with two of my colleagues and the car we had rented happened to house an excellent sound system. We played some of Rahman's classics like Anjalai Anjali, Mettupodu (Duet) and other songs from an SPB-ARR combo playlist on my phone. Suddenly, I remembered about the Berklee concert and amidst all the fun a gush of void filled my heart. I felt really bad about missing the opportunity to see the Mozart of Madras in such live action. When I got home the below promo video was waiting for me on FB. It literally broke my heart.

All these events got me nostalgic and I've been listening to some of his brilliant works from the 90's all week. Those were the days. My family was the main reason I got so hooked to his music. They introduced me to many of his classics like Duet, Minsara Kanavu, Sangamam, Lagaan and Taal. I won't forget the day my cousin played Ghanan Ghanan and Mitwa from Lagaan for me at 11:30 in the night (when we stopped at his place for 10 mins after a day trip to Palakkad). There was a time when Mana Madurai from Minsara Kanavu used to play in a loop in my uncle's car and he used to be so much in awe about those beats. Whenever I listen to Margazhi Thingal from Sangamam I can visualize my cousin Srikanth and my sister Swathi dancing for it in every party we've had since the track came out (including the latest party we had in Nov'13 - they are both married and have a kid each yet they danced as gracefully as ever). I can keep quoting from my big family scrapbook and won't be tired of it. Listening to Rahman is like being with my family.

A few days ago I was driving around El Camino Real with my classmate Kannan, late after dinner just to listen to ARR and he kept on playing wonderful tracks - Kannamoochi (Kandukondain Kandukondain), Pudhu Vellai Mazhai (Roja), Nahin Samne (Taal) and so on. That's when he mentioned, "Man, he has stopped making such music, that's what I told you when we spoke about I". Earlier that evening when we met we started the conversation talking about the tracks of I (which had released couple of days back) and he was disappointed. He wasn't psyched about it on first listening. That has been the story for the past couple of years. I'm not so sure though maybe because I experience the vision bleach equivalent of hearing when I listen to his music. I immediately connect to the sounds that only he is capable of producing.

2014 has been one of the best in a long time now. After so long, there have been back to back releases of albums scored by Rahman. The year started with Highway, an emotional drama and he's been on a long and wide ride since then. After Highway came Kochadaiyaan a period animation drama about a king, then came Lekar Hum Deewana Dil (a crappy romantic movie which I'm not sure why he signed). Kaaviya Thalaivan followed which is again a period film about stage artists from Madurai in the 1920s. Finally came I which supposedly is a romantic thriller and I expect Lingaa (a commercial Rajini film) to release next month as well. Phew! Rahman had this many releases in one year last in 2004. Apart from these, he had two Hollywood releases as well (Million Dollar Arm and Hundred-Foot Journey) and an album called Raunaq. The varied genres, a Shankar movie, period films and a thalaivar movie means he has composed genres ranging across classical songs, fun no brainers like Mawwali Qawaali and Mersalaayitten, an Opera number (Aila Aila) and the list goes on. Extreme stuff.

I would rate Kochadaiyaan and Kaaviya Thalaivan as one of his best albums in recent times. It feels so great to see Rahman back to the basics and in both these albums, he has gone core classical. Idhayam from Kochadaiyaan is my pick of the album and one of his all time best scores - the percussion has been engineered in layers and they tie with each other so beautifully. Medhuvaagathaan is yet another SPB-ARR classic and the mridhangam flows like a pleasant river in that song. The use of KM conservatory choir in the title track Engal Kochadiayaan is awesome - again the classical rendition and the transition between high and flat notes is Rahman's touch. I'm seriously bewildered that the people who made tracks of Sivaji and Endhiran such huge hits didn't find Kochadaiyaan meeting expectations. What did they expect - Kochadaiyaan the king singing Kilimanjaro and Athiradee?

I'm not sure which track to pick from Kaaviya Thalaivan. After a long time, I had an album (even from Rahman's collections) in loop for so many days. Sandikuthirai is a surprise package - so fresh and yet so vintage. The 10 min theater track in Kaaviya Thalaivan titled Alli Arjuna is a collection of 5-6 songs that play out situations from Mahabharatham and the freedom movement, where he takes you back to the age old classical music in Rahman style. Again, the percussion is brilliant for all the tracks. Haricharan and ARR are gradually becoming an epic combo as a close second to SPB and ARR.

It's not just the movies. Raunaq is an album where he composed tunes for six poems written by ex-union minister Kapil Sibal. There was no big hype of hoopla and I'm not sure if many even knew about this quiet album, but what a pleasant experience, especially this one track called Kismat se rendered by Shreya Ghosal - what a master piece.

I just hope 2014 repeats itself every year, but that's the thing about classics - they happen once in a while and that's why they are unique. 

I've traveled with Rahman all along. All my successes, failures, good times, bad times, friendship, heartbreaks, highs, lows, sickness and everyday happenings can be associated with a Rahman number. It'll be ringing in my head no matter what. Be it late night maths practicing during 10th and 12th standard or the all night chats during college, hectic work days/nights in Madurai, Chennai, Shanghai and US, Rahman has kept me company. It's not just the song, it's the memory associated with the song. Always ARR. Forever ARR.

Nine months that...

I strongly belive that life never hands out anything that one can't handle. The funny part is that there are always times when one feels why life gave him/her that much credit.

Nine months since I stopped writing in this space. The nine months like any other nine months that taught me something or the other. The nine months at the beginning of which life as I knew it was reset. The nine months at the end of which begins probably another significant time period. The nine months that altered a lot of things about me, my lifestyle, my work, my happiness, my dreams, my livelihood and even the city/country I lived.

One year ago I wouldn't have dreamt of visiting The Great Wall of China (of all places). But, I was there last Friday, not just there, we climbed up to the top most point possible, and not just that, it snowed heavily, like a storm, just for 10 minutes - the same 10 minutes we chose to be there. The timing was simply brilliant. Call it God. Call it Nature. Call it Science. Call it Music. I know it was one thing. Bliss.

Life is all about such wonderful timing. It keeps on springing surprises - some good, some bad. You never get to settle down. If you are ambitious, and go for something, you may get it, sometimes really quick, but, it never comes alone. There is always the package that comes along, and at the top of the list are people who think you didn't deserve it. Somehow the most fitting explanation becomes luck or right place at the right time. It is only temporary though. Bad times come back and all those people you always looked out for, stood by and stood up for will be too busy to even notice that something is wrong. Suddenly, whatever you say, whatever you do, is controversial. In the end, you get hit where it hurts most - that blank stare of insignificance as if you were nothing but a piece of botheration. No one has the time to sit and think. Even Newton didn't bother coming up with a fourth law once he figured the third one out.

And with a big mouth, all this becomes even more harder. If the timing is not right, more often than not, you talk yourself into situations than out of them. After living a childhood full of lies (so many of which friends and family still believe to be true), I eventually gave the habit up because decieving had become so easy. Then I stepped in to an industry where truth has no value. Everybody wants to play mind games, extract information indirectly (someone needs to tell these duffers that all they have to do is ask), spam mail boxes and expect you to spam theirs as well in the name of keeping in the loop, say thank you when they don't mean it at all and the biggest scam of all - diplomacy.

Is life that hard? When you sit down to think about all the zillion people who always seem to be happy, you realize that it's no magic. They are human beings too. The common factor in all those zillion people I know is that they absolutely know who they are. They give credit to what they can and don't commit to want they cannot. It's impossible to be perfect (at least to the eyes of everyone) because perfect is such a relative term. In the quest of being that perfect son, perfect brother, perfect friend, perfect employee you end up being an imperfect self.

Amidst all this, what makes life worth it are those small moments like the snow in great wall, looking at a random set of characters that your 2 year old niece types in to the IM window while chatting with your sister, sharing a silly laugh with your colleagues over tea or that persistent hope of goodwill that this will pass on. The moments where ego doesn't matter, moments when you could be yourself rather than being correct. A world where people look for relationships rather than perfect match. A world where people leave their business strategies at the shoe stand (and the shoe stand at the entrace or outside of the house). A world where the excited tweeter doesn't get blamed for Sachin getting out in the 90s.

It has been a great nine months nonetheless. If all goes well, I'll write more and more about it. Eitherways, one important lesson that I'll never forget is that I'm not perfect and I will never be. Most importantly, I'd expect nothing less from the people around me.

Where is it going?

The big question, isn't it? Whenever I've asked myself this question, I have kinda known the answer to it. But, if you don't have an answer to it, man, are you going to put up with a lot of crap.

In the west, this question can generally mean only one thing - a commitment/breakup with your boyfriend/girlfriend is in the offing. But, Indians are the kings of customization. We need a mix and match for everything. (Instances below)

The too-much phobia

• Son is playing too much cricket. He has to write his board exams in four years.
• Too much work/Too much fun/Too much relaxation/Too much tension/Too much travel.
• Talking too much in the phone.

The attention-seeker syndrome (I have it)

• Why no attention at all?
• Can't people just leave me alone for a minute?
• I feel like we are drifting apart. (Now, this is very common Ok. Not pin-pointing.)

The gutless phenomenon

• I don't want the others* to think that something is going on.

WHAT-THE-IF

• What if it goes somewhere I don't know where. (read again to understand)
• What if I can't answer with where I want it to go. (again, read again to understand)

From all that I have understood, it is a question

• that you should never ask yourself when you don't want to.
• that you should never let someone irrelevant, answer (and bother).
• that you should never answer when someone irrelevant asks.
• that you should always answer aloud (to the relevant).
• that you should always ask yourself first (and try to answer) before a second opinion.
• that can work wonders when found an answer to (both ways).
• that also affects people (or surroundings) other than you.
• that guys TRY TO AVOID and girls are OBSESSED with (generally).
• that guys DON'T CARE when they don't have an answer.
• that girls answer with ALOOF when they don't want to pick an answer.
• that you SHOULD find an answer when there are too many options.

and the most important one...

• that is IRRELEVANT when you don't have a choice.

*others - anyone/anything that is not a stakeholder of which is going where, except for gossiping about it.

Simply Complicated

Call it anxiety, excitement, nerves or just plain mental, often, you live that day where you can't control your mind. Well, in first place, you didn't even know where it was, when probably it was just sitting across and smiling at you; who knows?

Using ten words in place of one (most of them being duh, eh, ah, oh), being unable to explain unwarranted laughing, boring people with stupid stories, hungry yet full, and someone I look up to, announcing to a whole gathering that I have an excellent blog - I knew I'd be writing here today!!!

They are all around you.
They seldom come alone.
Look past the risks,
Swim across the obstacles.
Success is yours.
They are Opportunities.

Open the door to it,
Comes along, waves of anxiety.
Bliss, it can deliver, yet,
Often, a broken heart remains.
I call it Expectations.

It can create loose bonds,
Not as good as breaking them.
You need it. I need it.
Amazing stays the fact, that,
It was only a piece of paper.
Put yours in this one, didn't you? Money.

Tells you what to do.
You never asked why.
Comes at your convenience,
Following it or tailoring it.
You call it Tradition.
I call some of it made up Fiction.

It needn't matter.
You needn't mind.
Not me, Not you.
When it is you and me,
It has a name - Society.

You didn't have it to share.
I lost all of it I had.
What happens next?
Only it has to unveil.
For, it is Time.

Neither did you expect,
Nor did you yearn.
You failed history then, and,
Geography, now just failed you.
Back on that very same road, aren't you?
Ignoring that very same 'blocked' sign again.
You are plain Human.