2015

I don't completely understand the concept of the social media (read as Facebook) year in review. My definition of Facebook is a forum to post/share stuff in a whim when you're in that sweet spot between excitement and sugar rush or frustration and ferocity or doubt and totally clueless. Our daily life demands a lot of our intelligence, clarity in thought and patience, makes us very tired and has a lot of reality in it, at least my life does. Looking at a bunch of funny lines, places checked in, profile/cover photos changed every three or so months and meaningless hashtags shouldn't be the year in review exactly. If those are the only things that made my year, Man! I'm living a pathetic life.

The last time I wrote year end posts were in 2009 and 2010. I read those before I started writing this one and realized how tacky they are. The 2009 post was tackier than the 2010. That says something, isn't it? No matter what I had or wanted to say, I was writing regularly back then. Yes, it was a simpler "empty vessels make more noise" time. Today, when I read those posts, I can't but wonder how different life is. The definition of what is important and what makes me happy/sad/angry etc is completely obsolete now. The people in my day-to-day, the people who read my blogs and the priorities of who have all changed. It's definitely embarrassing to think about the person I used to be, but there are no regrets.

Given a choice, I'd pick the lifestyle of 2010 at the blink of an eye. Yes, I was naive, I was a tacky blogger, I was blurting out stuff on Facebook, I had no direction in life (please don't ask me what's my direction now), but I remember being happier, I remember having more fun. My life was definitely more eventful and I definitely had more people around me. I can think of 5 different people who would read this and tell me to "get married soon". But, that's not at all what I'm talking about. That nearly perfect gang or a like minded, non-busy friend/sibling/cousin to whom you can fallback at all situations can never be replaced by a marriage. I'm neither complaining nor blaming anyone for moving on. Unfortunately, I'm mature enough to understand that everything has a time and place and people have no other choice than to move on and that's the right thing to do as well. Enough said about why I'd rather pick 2010.

This year has been a different kind of mixed bag. I can fill about 1000 pages of cliche to talk about 2015. The most important aspect of this year is that I have learned to live with myself. Couple of years ago, a very wise soul mentioned to me that learning to live with oneself is the first step in learning to live with others. It did not hit me then, but, over time I realized that half of the problems we have with other people are actually problems we have with ourselves. So, my main motto (I like this word better than resolution) at the beginning of the year was to fall in love with myself. I wouldn't claim that I'm fully there yet, but, I can feel that I'm somewhere on the way.

Materially speaking - For the first time in life, I'm a car owner (February) and home owner (in India - July). These were definitely the best things in the material side of life. An annoyingly practical way to look at it is that I'm in more debt compared to 2014 (when I was in zero debt).

The good son of Vegas - I took my dad to Las Vegas. My dad has traveled a lot during his youth, but being the one to take him to Vegas meant a lot to me. Just to top off that feeling of growing up.

The uncle becomes the uncle - On April 12th, my sister gave birth to Diya, her second daughter. Unlike when Diksha (Diya's elder sister) was born, I haven't been able to see Diya in person yet. That's definitely a regret for 2015. Coming soon, hopefully.

I, Driver - Most of the fun times I have had in 2015 are in the driver seat of the black beauty below. The first thing I do when I get in to the car is turning the music on. Driving around the silicon valley and amidst the hills listening to Rahman and Ilaiyaraja have by far been the best moments of 2015.

14000 miles in 10 months says something, doesn't it?

From hog to hug -  I have become a pure vegetarian since September. I have always wanted to be one, but, egg and chicken are too tasty. I'm usually on and off in this area, but I feel it this time and it may be the real deal.

Walkathon - I've taken to brisk walking as an activity. Yes, it sounds like a 'thaatha' (grandpa) exercise, but I'm really astounded by how beneficial it has been for me. Having a job that's mentally draining and physically futile, walking has helped me in both areas. I've clocked around 350 miles of 15-16 min/mile dedicated walking activity in the past 100 odd days. Apart from the benefits, I'm actually keeping at it which is a great deal.

Chiju Sings - I performed in the PayPal Risk Diwali party this year. After 3 long years, I went up that stage and sang a classical number. And with that a band (tentatively named as Swaralaya) was formed. It wasn't the cleanest of performances. I did mess up a lot of notes, but, I enjoyed as hell.

Happy Toasting - This has been the another very productive part of my year. I've been progressing rapidly in my Toastmasters journey. I've been the VP-Education of my club since January and I'm really loving it every bit. I finished my Competent Communicator (CC), Competent Leadership (CL) and Advanced Leadership Bronze (ALB) in 2015 and I'm five speeches away from my Advanced Communicator Bronze (ACB).

Intimacy at its best - Since I came to the US, I've been wishing for Rahman to visit for a LIVE concert tour. I missed it when (a mini version of ) it happened in Boston last year. Finally in June, Rahman toured North America with a new concept called "The Intimate Tour". True to it's name, it was fresh, intimate and real. He performed in the San Jose Civic Center with a minimal band. We got the perfect seats with a straight line of sight. I couldn't ask for more when it came to watching him LIVE.

Line of sight to witness magic

I'm looking at the W.E.N.U.S and I'm not happy - In the work front, things have been really fruitless. It has been that kind of year where the results have been in reach of the eyes, but, the hands almost always keeps grabbing at nothing. 2016 is definitely going to be interesting in this front and I'm excited about it.

Movies I loved: OK Kanmani, Thani Oruvan, Tamasha, Premam, The Martian, Baahubali

Albums most looped: OK Kanmani, Uttama Villan, Naanum Rowdy Thaan, Yennai Arindhal

Favorite Book: Conversations with Mani Ratnam (I read it only this year)

Hoping to write more in 2016. Looking forward to an exciting 2016. Wish you all a Happy New Year!

ONE YEAR

I dropped off Santhosh after the movie and asked him to lock behind my bike, the helmet he was holding all the way. As he was getting the key right, I happened to witness a strand of clouds passing through the dark purple-blue sky. The beauty of the night electrified my senses instantly. I was in an environment that barely qualified to be street. It was a foul-smelling gully, with lots of people sleeping on the road. It was simply a typical slum movie setup. Yet, the passing clouds were one of the best sights ever. A realization hit upon me - Amidst all the dirty things, those passing moments make Life so Beautiful.

So, its been a year now. 365 days. If I look back, I can't even recall most of the days that passed by. It seems like yesterday when I spent my first night in Chennai, lying down with my face on the pillow, tilted ably to look at my cellphone as if one beep is going to make a big difference in my life. It did not beep until morning and when it did, it made sure that I started off to my first day at work with a smile. Smile - the curve that could be bent either way by the person who puts it there, in first place.

Its just been a roller coaster ride all the way, till today. I look back and see the many trips to Coimbatore, some yearned and some dreaded, the many Friends I made, the fun moments @ work and family, the new arrivals into the family, Appraisal and other events @ work, the loss of loved ones and the lessons learnt. All along, I have been making promises to myself and taking up tasks involving responsibility and commitment. The good thing about last year is that I completed SUCCESSFULLY few of those tasks and was sincere to all those promises. I also take pride in keeping up to the trust of most of the people in my life.

Thank God, things @ work have been smooth. I had a pretty good appraisal (not money-vise). I was astounded by some of those comments. Well, I always keep my expectations less, maybe thats the reason. The best part involves the many people that boarded the bus of my life. I got to know better, few people I barely knew before and made some good, witty, funny and sincere Friends. I pray to have a seamless work year again.

I've had people (someone or the other) around me as always. Masakali from Dilli-6 has been replaced by Beera Beera from Raavan. Breakfast @ Balaji Bhavan has become Breakfast @ Udipi Mess. Shifting from Madurai to Coimbatore has changed to shifting from Coimbatore to Chennai. Deccan Chargers were followed by Chennai Super Kings. These changes will repeat year after year.

But, there have been other changes as well; those that will have an impact forever. Those changes that play a key role in transforming a person to what he is gonna be, those that create misery to look back later and smile and those that create joy to look back later and shed a tear. Responding to these changes is the key.

Expectations grow exponentially. Last year's benchmarks have worn out. New goals are visible. The mistakes list has been freshly updated and against each of them is written a new learning. New friends are waiting to board the bus. And the list goes on.

To that day, I look back.

Withered leaves flying away,

Tight clutches being forced open.

Truth feeding on anxiety.

The apples of my eye.

To this day, I acknowledge,

The growing greenery,

Claws awaiting the rust.

A fresh batch of anxiety building.

The plucked apples in safest hands.

Looking forward to next year....

PS:

1) A big sorry to all those people whose calls I have not returned, whose scraps I've not replied, whose presence I've not acknowledged. 2010 has been really hectic and I'm slowing down gradually. Thanks a lot for understanding.

2) Cheers to all those who made it to Swathi's wedding. I look at the photos and I'm so happy that My Friends were the majority! I feel so important! :) :) THANKS A LOT PEOPLE!!!!

Late by a day!

All about an (ab)normal day

The silence of the closing in evening was nothing new. The occasional tadattuts of keyboards from the nearby cubicles always gives the working feel. For a roller-coaster ride going on for the past four days, today was an unusually slow day. Lack of sleep or the "feel-good" factor of a fruitless task, I was not sure, it was about lazing through the rest of the day until I have to board the train to Cbe. I prioritized my tasks in such a way that I contributed to the tadattuts once in a while, to reassure the surroundings and myself that I'm awake.

The floor I work, situated on the seventh floor of a nine floor building, is huge enough to accommodate around 120 people. It is a square area distributed with cubicles, with a lean pathway on one corner of the floor, leading to two conference rooms and ending in the back exit. Within the floor, right adjacent to the lean pathway is the restroom and next to it, the pantry. Perpendicular to the pantry are a couple of cubicles that end in the corner diagonally opposite to the lean pathway, and on either side, is fenced with cabins of "Periya Thalais" of the BU. This finally leads to the front exit of the building.

Looking up and around every other minute, I kept telling myself that I have to concentrate. It was like a buzzing in my brain that I so didn't want to accommodate. I figured I'd work on an Einstein Riddle my friend had sent, to get into rhythm. Trust me, there is nothing more effective to come out of boredom - solving solid math/logic problems. As I was about to scan through the list of mails, my teammate came in for some support and the buzzing was back. Unfortunately, duty first (no other go) and I got it done for him.

As he left, my hands reached the headset that lay on top of the CPU and immediately, I let go; It crashed on my desk-phone with a bang. For such a silent environment, the sound was definitely distracting, but to my surprise, no one seemed to have noticed it. The reason was that an even louder wailing sound like a factory siren had masked the headphone crashing. A drilling machine piercing a nearby wall was the first image in my mind to map with that sound. Simultaneously overtook the thought of imagining it (brain buzzing). I did not bother to stand up and look around. My mind was pretty blank, except that I wanted that noise to stop and that too right away.

I'm not able to explain how it happened but out of nowhere, I could reads the words "Carlton Towers" in my head. In a split second, the wailing seemed to make sense.

I did not need second opinion that it was a fire alarm. I could see lots of things happening in the next few seconds. My reflexes began to overtake my presence of mind. I stood up and saw half a dozen score of pale, terrified faces looking towards the lean pathway. None of them had started to react though. It does take some time to take in something out of the way in an issue filled IT day. The ERT (Emergency Response Team) plunged into quick action. I saw a couple of them pull out their ERT caps from their desks and put it on. One of them rushed towards the restrooms and pantry while the other went into cabin after cabin. The evacuation process had started.

I locked my system immediately and started towards the front exit. I walked quick without acknowledging any known colleague I met on the way. I could see people rushing towards and away from me. A couple of them were heading to the exits with their laptops. I reached the exit pretty soon. No one dared to use the lift, I noted. I turned back into the floor to check on any familiar people. A force of guilt rushed. I hadn't bothered to check on anyone. As I peeped into the floor again, I saw that it was pretty much empty already.

I turned again and started down the stairs. After a couple of failed attempts, I slowed down. The rush of people made it difficult to be fast. It was surprising that I saw no panic amongst the people around me. In fact, I heard one guy inquire with another if he had a D-Link Modem reserved for use. Few guys were cracking jokes and laughing their way down. Well, can't blame them, for, one joke was so damn funny and my lips twitched close to smiling. Floor by floor down, the number of people increased and finally, I was down in the ground floor. I quickly walked down the flight of stairs to the road and looked up at the building. I saw it.

It was a tinge of orange-red and a mix of black. None of the windows were open. The bright sun of the late afternoon added to the refraction effect. It was of no use. I was helpless. Lots and lots of people were still walking out of the exit. Few were talking on their mobiles, few keeping a look behind and few holding their laptops dearly. Once they were out of the exit, they turned right, walked into the lawn and turned right again, to go to the open space down the other exit of the building, probably, instructions from the ERT, I thought. For sometime, I alternated between glancing up and looking at the exit. I knew there was nothing I could do. I looked up at the building once again, enjoyed the beauty of the red-orange and black colored window panes that were arranged neatly. The sun's rays always added to the class of the building and I love that sight. After taking it in completely, I joined the queue of people to see what the fire-drill was all about. :P

-Dated, Friday, 5th March 2010

View of my office building! :)

A Dog, Me and My work

It was a fine evening. I was just back to my desk after a small discussion. Unusually, Ananth pinged asking if we wanted to go to the cafeteria. Either he was so hungry or he has started taking gym seriously again, that, he doesn't want to go there on an empty stomach. (Dude, if you are reading and smiling, welcome). Swetha and myself went to his cubicle; he suggested we go to the tea shop downstairs, which actually made me happy because the cafeteria is sadly getting tasteless by the day.

The elevator opened out to the ground floor and we walked outside the building. Nithya and Reshu were sitting by the lawn. We greeted them and headed to the shop, which is a hand cart type and closed in a way to form a counter. Ananth had mentioned that they were here and, we thought, perhaps, waiting for Janith and Nithin to bring something. I could see Janith devouring on a bajji look alike and Nithin searching for something in the big plate of Bajjis, Bondas, Samosas and other unhealthy but damn tasty stuff ("snacks"). I was surprised to see Molaga bajji and pulled it out of Janith's hand - natural instinct! Soon, Reshu and Nithya realized that our presence rules out food reaching them and were sensible enough to join us in the tea shop.

The big plate of all the snacks was being emptied rapidly, one item at a time. The molaga bajjis were too good. As we were relishing the snacks, a stray dog, kept circling around us, wagging his tail, with its tongue almost fully out. I'm sure that if he could speak, he would have definitely asked us to share whatever possible. At first, we neglected him, though I felt a small pinch of guilt and I noticed it on others' faces as well. Nithya went all "Awwww" like.

Recently, I learnt from someone that we shouldn't serve salt to dogs (most likely false, I believe) and I looked into the shop to see if there was anything to give him. The buns attracted attention and I pulled out one (natural instinct, again, :P) and put it near the dog.

He went near the bun and smelled it. As you can guess, and only to make me feel humiliated (I KNEW IT), he discarded the bun and kept looking at us. Yes, there was heavy laughter following that. I even noticed a couple of people other than us, laughing. I was so pissed that he insulted me and my bun, so, I looked away and the others just neglected him. He kept staring at us for a while, then went back to the bun and smelled it again, as if giving due consideration. This repeated a couple of times and finally, he started eating the bun. Well, had no choice.

Having eaten the bun, he came back to us and continued looking. Well, for an arrogant dog that rejected food, he had a nice appetite and relatively less self control. Reshu tried to shoo it away, we moved a bit and nothing was good enough for it to leave.

It was looking away from me and in an attempt to crack a PJ, I said, "Well, I'll get you one more bun, only if you would come to my desk and run that script assigned to me".

Instantly, it just turned its head towards me, shrugged slightly and walked away.

Realizations are indeed unbearable! :(

New House, Rahman and now in Cbe!

After all the wait, it happened again. It always happens so easily. If I had saved all the days (and MONEY) I spent for shifting, I'd have been richer now. However, I've rambled about it to too many people now that some might start getting bored now. :)

One thing I liked about my new place is that I get this feel about living in the city. At the corner of my street is a main road that is almost always crowded, thanks to Sutherland, even after midnight it is a happening place. We'll see what Velachery has is store.

Finally, a long time dream came true, last Sunday! A magical evening I would call it. Rahman was performing live somewhere like 500 meters in front of me. In one word I can call it WOW! We had to drive for about 95 kms from Chennai (another dream come true - long drive). ECR was a boon because my speedometer touched a triple digit mark (yet another dream). We (Me, Neeraj, Srinath and Ananth) were so tired from the drive and from the little bore that the organizers subjected us to (in the name of promotion). Neeraj and me were further worn out from overnight shifting. I should accept that my eyes were slowly turning in.

And there we saw in front of us a big puff of smoke. It was happening. We (70,000 people) jumped up and stood on our chairs, listening to "Jaagae Hain". He stormed into the stage and I knew I was screeching at the top of my voice, both hands raised in the air. Everyone shrilled their voice to the highest note possible, increasing their note every time believing the next note would bring them to his attention. All that was running in my mind was NOTHING. I couldn't remember the last time my mind went so blank. IT WAS HAPPENING! I WAS WATCHING HIM LIVE.

"Mustafa" was obviously the pick of the show, 70,000 pairs of hands were waving, like in the movie. Lots of people had their cell phone displays on to depict the candles in the movie. With Khwaja mere Khwaja he attained new levels of Rahmanism. He was sitting there on stage with all the Thejas and the stage synchronizing well with the tunes as well as his attire. We were in cloud 99. The stage settings need a special mention here. There was a wide screen covering the stage end-to-end. The display inlcuded graphics, pictures and video clips. When he was singing Dil se re, it seemed as though he was standing amidst a sea of fire. The settings for Athiradee (Shivaji), Kannalane (Bombay), Jiya jale (Dil se) and Dilli 6 theme were stupendous. When he ended the show with Jai Ho and Vande Matram, the time was an hour before midnight. I had to drive back home, attend to an aching back, get up early in the morning and prepare for a presentation in office. But, all I could think off was "Why din he sing Ella Pugazhum and Masakali?"

It was a breezy drive all the way back home (One more dream - a night drive on the ECR). I did not speak to Ananth throughout the drive, nor did he, except for the occassional "Are you awake" checks. I was sure he was running through the entire concert in his head as I was. I'm waiting for the DVD of the show, which is expected according the organizers. I want to find out what He was talking about when he announced in the end, "We'll try to give a better show next time". It was the perfect DREAM COME TRUE DAY FOR ME. :)

I wanted to write about this since Monday, but I was kinda held up in office and Airtel is still giving me a hard time for my internet to be setup. Three days went by, just thinking about last Sunday. All I know is I reached Cbe yesterday morning and so fast two days have run by. Its so chilly in here. I was driving back home last night after a yummy dinner at Kerala Club with Jp and Vibushan (I know who is jealous now :P) and I felt like I should have thought twice before locking the Diwali complementary Jacket in my office desk.

Thats that about last week. Happy Diwali to the very few readers (FANS & NON-FANS). :P