The Joke is on you

Me: There are mistakes that you dare commit while giving unnecessary information to a group that is drinking tea.

Myself: And those would be?

Me: Don't look at a Cathay Pacific that is flying over the building in front of which you are having tea. If you have looked, don't mind anyone who read out loud "Cathay Pacific".

Myself: If you did?

Me: Don't add anything to it.

Myself: If you can't keep your mouth shut?

Me: Well, at least don't tell them that you have traveled by Cathay Pacific.

Myself: What if someone asks, "To Kuwait?"

Me: Don't correct them, or else just correct them and leave it there.

Myself: Why?

Me: Maybe because some guy might ask you what is the uniform of the air hostess, for which you might have to say, "Dude. I traveled when I was in first grade. How would I remember?".

Myself: Yeah. So, whats the problem.

Me: Now the guy who asked you would respond. "Maybe because you traveled at an age you did not bother" and shut up, but can you?

Myself: If No?

Me: Then, at least don't say that when you were getting off the flight, they gave you two nice dolls. Everyone (or someone) might starting laughing loudly.

Myself: Oh the idea of a guy liking dolls? That you were very small then? Doesn't that count?

Me: You wish.

Myself: No recovery then?

Me: No no. You can recover from that.

Myself: Then whats the problem?

Me: They might not be laughing for the whole doll thing?

Myself: What else?

Me: Well, You never know. You might realize it late.

Myself: Late?

Me: Yeah. Maybe, when you can't recover anymore.

Myself: How does that work? Why would they laugh then?

Me: Because you made an impression of holding two invisible dolls, one in each hand.

Myself: Now, why is that funny?

Me: It is funny when you hold them pretty close to each other, with considerably open palms and at a certain height from the ground level. :(

Myself: Ooooooooooh!

Football Fever

Sam was too excited. He could not recollect since when he wished Spain should pick up FIFA 2010. And finally they were just two steps from achieving that. Even the Octopus had predicted in favor of his team. July 7th 2010 arrived, when the Raging Spainiards were going to fight the Firing Germans. From the moment he woke up, he couldn't wait for midnight to come. He kept tweeting about it; his facebook updates were all in support for Spain and he also had comment arguments with his friends.

While at work, however hard he tried to concentrate, the match kept coming back to him and nothing but it were persistent. As soon as the clock struck 6, he jumped out of his seat and rushed home. But, he wondered why it seemed like so fast. He was just driving in that morning and he is already heading home. He hoped that the next six hours would pass in the same manner.

And it did. He setup his mat in front of the TV. He went through all that he needed to settle down. Water Bottle (1 + 1) - Check! Remote - Check! Mobile - Check! Bluetooth Headset - Check! So, he settled down and the whistle was blown.

The game was being technically taken forward by both the teams, considering how much was at stake. Everything was well, until he saw Yuvraj Singh running down the ground. It was really funny. What was Yuvi doing in the ground during the semi-final of a FIFA cup? "What shit security!", he thought. Once Yuvi reached the center of the ground, he turned and smiled at Sam. And without second thought, Yuvi ran towards Sam, broke out of the tv and jumped into Sam's house.

Amidst all the shock, Sam was happy that Yuvi dropped in. He immediately asked, "Who do you think will win today?".

"I'm not gonna tell you", replied Yuvi. "She will", he continued and pointed behind himself, as he stepped aside giving room for Sam to see her. There stood a girl who looked familiar. Sam started googling his brain as to who it was. And it struck him. It was Sakshi Singh Rawat, Dhoni's newly wed. His head throbbed with anger.

He jumped at Yuvi shouting, "Its been only 2 days since Mahi married her and you have brought her here! You Rascal!"

"You talk bad about Yuvi and I will kill you", he heard Sakshi say in a devilish voice. He looked towards her. Shock rushed up through his veins as he saw she had grown long teeth, protruding out, on both sides of her mouth. All of a sudden horns propped up on the top of her head like a bull. He started yelling out of terror. Giving him no time to run, she jumped upon him and both of them crashed on the floor, breaking it and going down, far beneath the house and into the earth.

As you'd have already guessed, Sam woke up with a start. He was trembling. Sweat trickled down his face. He could feel the heat. The match was still on, but he couldn't read the scores as his brains were out of order from the sudden jerk. He felt sick. He could feel the increased body temperature. "Shit!", he exclaimed as he felt his forehead with the back of his palm!

And Sam kept up with his football "FEVER" even though he fell asleep during his most awaited match.

PS:
1) Sorry for missing out the warning (in the beginning) about a mokkai (PJ) coming up.
2) The past few posts have been really intense and the mokkai factor of Chiju Speaks had taken a back seat (as some of my readers felt). So, here I go. Broken the ice, have I?
3) Stupid Sam is this character (imaginary) I've created for Chiju Speaks. Sam and his stupidity will continue.
4) Football fans: Enjoy the real football fever.

DA VINCIT CODE

Every other day,

A smile you never knew why.

The tears you failed to try.

Every other day,

Success that came your way.

Failures that caused dismay.

Every other day,

Acceptance that made you fly.

Rejection that made you cry.

Every other day,

Just wanted to have your say.

Were you suspected to outplay?

Every other day,

Love that swept you away.

Hate that led you affray.

Every other day,

For something or the other you pray.

Will all that you wished, stay?

Success, failure, confusion, fear, appreciation, shame, disappointment, celebration, praise, luck, love or hate: all that was out of your control has a meaning that you did not attempt to look-up.

Life is always beautiful. Patience is the key. I learnt this today! Your day is on its way! Keep smiling! Cheers!

*Vincit means "to conquer" in Latin

A swapped mistake

Warning: Clueless/Helpless Software guys will definitely get this

Date: Some date in 2019

It is a normal, sunny (rainy?) day in Chennai. People have somehow made it to their offices amidst the jam-packed roads and the unpredictable weather. In short, it was just any other day for a Software Engineer Trainee (SET), except that he was assigned a high priority issue to deal with. For the sincere employee in SET, he immediately sets off to work and opens the file called MathOperations.cc (a c++ codefile that has code for the various Mathematical operations - say addition and subtraction).

It is not that complicated to understand what was in there. He starts reading the code to get a gist of what's been done. The start couldn't have been breezier and the flow smoother. For someone, looking at his face, they could have easily read that he is definitely enjoying what he is doing.

As he was reading, he saw something. His eyes constricted, nostrils widened, mouth curved and his cheeks bubbled up. Something is wrong! This is when the camera focuses on the screen that reads!

Sum = num1 - num2; //Sum is num1 - num2. COMMENT HAS NO TYPO
Difference = num1 + num2;//Diff is num1 + num2. COMMENT HAS NO TYPO

Now, its obvious that the SET gets so angry and frustrated. It is understandable that he abuses the coder who did this so many years back. It is right that SET thinks that the coder was nothing but stupid. But, what the SET doesn't know is......

10 Years earlier... (spiral swiveling)

Feature Lead (FL): This is a funny problem. Are you sure it is swapped?
Ex-Software Engineer Trainee (XSET): Ya, it is swapped. I've checked my part of the implementation. I don't think anything is wrong there.
FL: What about the middle part that calls your implementation and assigns the sum and difference?
XSET: Well, thats just assigning my sum and difference to the respective variables right? It is fine. I've double checked.
FL: Do one thing. Check up with the Interface part and see if they have displayed the right values for sum and difference.
XSET: Fine. I'll get back to you after checking.

Two hours later...

System Architect (SA): Oh! They have swapped it in the interface part, huh?
FL: Ya.
SA: Send a mail to the team in the headquarters and request a change. We have 2 more weeks time for the delivery.
FL: Ok. I'll do that.

Two weeks later.... The Delivery Day!

FL: Finally, the team from the headquarters replied. It seems that they are not going to change it there. They have asked us to change the implementation by swapping the sum and difference.
SA: Oh! Do it that way. Raise a bug on your side and swap the values in your code.
XSET (thinks): So, all that is left to do is inform the Mathematics forum (who maintain math standards) that we are swapping the meanings of sum and difference of two numbers.
XSET (says): But, wasn't this design reviewed and approved? Wouldn't changing this defeat logic?
SA: I understand that there is a logical mistake here.
XSET (thinks): Oh, is it? I thought I did not concentrate in my first grade math class.
XSET (says): So, aren't they supposed to change it?
SA: The thing is the headquarters have released the customer documentation and in that they have gone by the interface definition. If we request a change now, they might come to a conclusion that the architects of the company are stupid.
XSET (thinks): Well, Can we blame them?
XSET (says): So, I'll change the code and look stupid to some guy who looks at this code in future.
SA: Well, you can add a comment near the implementation that points this out.
XSET (thinks): A comment that says "To really know who is stupid, check the interface part"?
XSET (says): Well, lets see. Even if I add a comment, it is human tendency to think that the comment has a typo rather than understand it the right way.
SA: So, you add the comment and write in CAPS: COMMENT HAS NO TYPO.
XSET (thinks): ARGGHHHH!!!
XSET (says): Ok. I'll do that.

Oops

The project tracking meeting is in progress. The engineers are seated round the conference table and on one end manager is seated. Your teammate, seated next to the manager is giving updates on your project. The manager is paying at most attention to him. You sit straight opposite to him and have no clue about what your teammate is telling - lack of co-ordination you see. As he goes about it point-by-point, your face gradually shrinks from a straight (along y-axes) to almost straight (along x-axes). This is when the manager decides to look at you and catches your expression. Oops!

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There is a very steep ramp that you drive down/up as you enter/leave the basement bike park of your office. Until you got used to it, whenever you drive up, your heart skipped a beat imagining the bike halting in the middle, thus slipping down. In fact it has happened a couple of times, but you manage to maintain balance and keep going (then). After six months of driving up and down, one evening, you leave late from office and offer a colleague to drop her at the bus stop. Today, as you drive up the ramp, your driving skills come in handy enough that not only does your bike halts, you slip down so fast that an on-looker had to come running and stop you from falling. Well... Oops!

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A hot girl you've been seeing (no no.. take the literal meaning, as in, staring with mouth wide open) since you joined the company moves into your floor and is seated close to your cubicle. You know she is from north India and cannot understand Tamil, well, at least the fast version of it that you speak. One fine evening, as your friend and you pass through her cubicle, discussing loudly in Tamil about whether she'd be there or not, you choose to say "she is so wow" (again in Tamil). As a reflex, she appears in front of you (she walks out of her cubicle to go somewhere). For a moment, both of you stand opposite to each other guessing who is going to give way first. Conveniently, you forget that she doesn't understand Tamil and keep looking at her as if you were sorry for what you said. Oh my God! Oops!

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