Trespassing at its worst

Warning: Too long a post. Been as subtle as possible. Excuse the explicit writing, if you notice it.

Have you ever felt like cheap labor? 

Has someone picked your pocket?

Have you gotten mugged or assaulted? 

Has your best friend slept with your girl friend?

Has your boss ever abused you? 

Has someone you trusted lied to you?

Have you ever been stood up?

Have you been denied admission to a college because of your caste?

Has someone passed a racist comment on you?

Has someone stolen something very close to your heart from you?

Have you ever felt violated?

I guess if you had answered yes to any one of the ten questions, you'd have answered yes to the follow-up as well. Now answer this.

Have you ever been raped?

Isn't that the highest degree violation of one's personal space (sex/age no bar)? Which is better, getting raped or getting killed? There isn't a difference. Personally, I'd give a tiny edge to the latter because you don't have to live with it. I'm definitely not saying that someone who has been victimized by rape cannot recover from it. I'm just saying that there isn't a punishment in this world that can be given to a rapist that would make the victim feel any less violated.

All these days when I read about rape in the news, I imagined the assaulter to be a third rate criminal you'll find in the cast of a tastelessly made gangster movie. It was so naive of me to think that these people will never run in a 'normal' social circle. Yes, the use of the word normal is very deliberate because the moment one even thinks about committing such a heinous* act, the word normal automatically dislodges from their dictionary. Of all the news that has ever been reporter by TOI or any other news agency, this series grossed me out the most. The two accused are kids (read it again in capital letters - KIDS) for heaven's sake. This incident has reportedly happened in the same locality in Coimbatore where I spent my entire childhood. The victim and accused are from my Alma mater. And stressing it again, they are college kids.

It's unfair on my part to focus on this one incident, but, the fact that it could happen right next to us sends a chill up my spine. My own sister grew up in the same locality. Some of my best friends from college and my neighborhood lived and are still living there. There are 3 major schools around the area that tens of thousands of students attend. Now, I feel bad at having laughed at my dad when he got a bit worked up if my sister was even 15 minutes late from college. I finally understand why my mom used to personally accompany her tuition students to their home if they are leaving our house after darkness falls. Of all the places in all the cities of this world, I never imagined it could happen there. I'm still unable to come to terms with the fact that it can never, ever, be 100% safe.

On one hand if we can put the blame on illiteracy and growing up in a bad environment for most cases, there's the other side of the story. There's just too much access these days. As parents, especially the ultra-rich class who just think that their kids are still kids, provide all the access they need - Credit cards, Smart phones, Ultra books, High-Speed Internet connection and what not. But, at least in countries like India where technology has penetrated into the deepest of even the rural areas, parental guidance hasn't stepped in at all. Most of the kids get their own room (in some cases their own flat) because the parents appreciated their privacy. Heck, I had my own room throughout my 4 years in college, but, I'm sure I couldn't have sneaked in as much as a safety pin in to it and my father wouldn't have found out. I'm not saying that there should be no respect for the kid's privacy. I feel it's important to talk to the kids and make them feel comfortable about discussing what's going on in school/college, who their friends are (esp in the opposite sex) and not pick on and judge every single thing the kid does.

Most victims don't come out and speak up. I wouldn't blame them either. Some reporter in TOI is always waiting to unleash his creative best in reporting this, because it's not about sense, it's about sensational (I ripped that part out of a The Hindu ad in 2011). After all the physical torture that lasted only for a few minutes, there's the social torture that's going to last a lifetime. At this juncture, how do you blame anyone for being conservative and non-trusting?

However, the most painful part about all this is that, we always find someone else to blame. Why did you go out at that time? Why did you wear this? Why did you talk to a boy? Doesn't this college take security of students seriously? Is the police department sleeping? Take the case that I had shared above, for instance. I'm sure there are at least a handful of filthy people who blame the girl to have gone to the twins' apartment. Oh yes, going to a friend's apartment is indeed a "heinous crime".

Last year, I saw an episode of Neeya Naana where a doctor said that man is a beast who wears the mask of civilization. So, provocative dressing by a woman will unleash the beast within him. She also mentioned that the middle eastern culture of a woman wearing a burka not only safe guards her from the beast but also helps her personality. I'm not sure if it's just me or did that make no sense whatsoever, no matter how scientifically proven a fact it is. This is just a classic example of mankind being an extremist. We know both extremes. We don't know balance. We don't know moderate.

Nothing, nothing ever is an excuse. Not provocative dressing. Not the time of the day. Not biology. Not geography. Not culture. Not tradition. It's just simple. No matter what, You don't rape someone. YOU DON'T RAPE ANYONE.

*Rape is a heinous crime no matter how tastefully or how violently it was committed.

Irritato Sarcastico

Warning

I started this post back in Feb 2010; post might have lost the little charm intended.

Go ahead at your risk.

Had J.K.Rowling given a bit of extra thought for a spell to cause irritation, I needn't have coined one. Some people have this trait, or talent should I call it; they can just make you want to pull your hair hard, jump from the terrace of Bhurj Dubai or pack your bags and move to Shawshank. You can't talk back. You can't return the nose cut. You just can't say anything. I'm sure you pretty much got the picture. I compared it to a spell due to the dense simulacrum in the working. Like Newton's third law, the irritato spell is cast and irritation kicks off.

Irritato can alter your moods in unimaginable degrees with ease. I had mastered that spell as a kid. When I look back, I can't but feel grateful that my family did not disown me. My batchmates from Lisieux would definitely agree with me when I say "I was an unbearable jerk". However, after a while, being a jerk got so boring. So, this is just a Knowledge Sharing Session of different ways to make the Irritato spell work.

NB: This is not about unintentional irritating, its planned execution.

From someone who has been at both ends of the Irritato at some point of time.

1) If your name rhymes close to some linguistic crap word, make a tune, and sing the name and the word alternately. (Dedicated to my cousin Srinath)

Solution: Well, change your name.

2) You are listening to this hilarious story. In between the laughs, you add a statement you think will make it even funnier and the other person stops laughing the moment you say it and force a plain look. (Again, to my cousin Srinath)

Solution: Well, you should have done that first.

3) Someone is focussed and working on something unaware about what and who is around. You walk slowly, casually behind the person, take your hands close to the ears and clap them together nice and loud.

Prep Measure: Well, be prepared to escape a chase or listen to a couple of curses!

4) You prepare noodles because your brother was hungry. You make enough for both of you, but your brother divides it in such a way that you get very little share. You offer him your share as well to kindle some guilt and he shamelessly accepts the offer and eats it completely. (Sorry Swathi! :P)

Solution: Sometimes, sacrifice sucks. Don't do it!

Traditional methods aside, a lovely way to irritate people is Sarcasm. It is a term that my friend Vivek introduced to me. Well, at that time I never used to get his jokes, leave alone the meaning of the word 'sarcasm'. Now I wonder how much I would have chased him around, had I been able to get him all the time. He claimed his flavor of sarcasm to be derived from Calvin and Hobbes (if I remember right). However, it was a lost concept on me until I got used to Chandler Bing's jokes and thats being sarcastic, the Irritato way! The enhanced spell now becomes 'Irritato Sarcastico'.

Janith and Me setup the TT table at the cafeteria. It was past 7 PM and most of the lights were switched off. After unsuccessful attempts to find the switchboard, we decided that we'd have to adjust without lights. We started playing and Ananth walked in.

"Hey guys! We need some light. Where's the switchboard?", he said as soon as he noticed the lack of lighting.

"Oh! We thought TT must be played in a dark room", I said.

There are times when people come and ask for it. You are planning a trek trip for the weekend with your colleagues. One of them cannot make it but is really willing to come if the trip is postponed to the next weekend. So, she comes up with the dialog, "If you want me to come, plan it for next weekend". And Ananth said, "Well, Sorry you cannot make it to the trek trip. Bye then".

Come to think of it, without the tinge of sarcasm and teasing jokes, there's very little fun in life. I regret that I used to be a spoil sport during my childhood. If only I had laughed through the jokes about me, I could have been on a roll getting back. The moment we start overlooking the irritating part, we would understand that sensitive retaliation will lead to nothing but lack of interest on us.

Add spice to lives. Tease, irritate and be sarcastic. Cheers!

Bites - After KITES

Director: Hey! So, you've got some time?

Hero: Mmmm... How much time?

Director: Say... Two and half years. Not more.

The producer joins the conversation.

Producer: Oh! Thats not much! We could go forward if you have a strong script

Hero (disappointedly): Dad! Strong script? So, thats the focus now?

Producer: Arrey Bheta! I'm just practicing already for the many press conferences we have to be in. Just getting into the feel.

Hero: Fine then. Lets get to business. I have quite a few learnings from my last chic flick.

Director: Like?

Hero: I got a fan mail from a woman that said, just before the climax of the movie, she climaxed. We need to improve the turn-around time. Intermission should be our focus.

Director: Well, I've not added that to the script. We'll put a song where u could wear an unbuttoned sleeveless shirt and show it all off. [After a short pause] Before Intermission.

Producer: I like the way you narrate. Keep going!

Hero: Next! I can dance really well. So...

The director cuts him off.

Director: Say no more. I'll get the music director to tune up a song where u can dance your whatever off.

Hero: Fantastic! I think you're winning my interest.

Director: So, where do we shoot? Goa?

Hero: Hey! You said two and half years. We'd better try and see a lot of foreign countries.

Director: So, LA, Las Vegas and Mexico? What say?

Producer: Yeah Bheta! Sounds like an idea.

Hero: And about the heroism factor, I'd want to careful about it. Last time, I think I crossed the line.

Director: Well, we can keep you running with the bad guys chasing most of the time. And in the end, you can jump of a peak and die. How'd that be?

Producer: Hey! But, he can't die. Have Indian Heroes started doing that already?

Director: Your son could be a trend setter in that area.

Hero: Sounds like something I could do. We'll work on that. If it comes out good, we'll pick it up.

Director: Sure sir. Next, about the heroine. Sameera Reddy?

Hero: Well, I want two. One HOT Indian and one foreign chic.

Producer: Foreign chic? Why exactly?

Hero: They pull off bikini and two piece scenes considerably easier. Also, if we could get a foreign language involved, we could confuse the audience for a while.

Director: Ok, why two?

Hero (in a depressed tone): No Triangular love? And makes a puppy face.

Director: Sure!

Hero: We'll decide whom I'm dumping, later.

Director: Ok. Foreign locale. Foreign chic. Noted.

Producer: The stunts should be surreal.

Director: Sure. Cars, Buses, Bikes, Parachutes - everything would fly around the place.

Producer: This is just a start. I have all the money to crap.

Hero: Cool. I've got a rich dad. Don't forget the many chase scenes and the many gun shots and blood wrath.

Director: Of course of course!

They complete the discussion of almost everything.

Producer: So, lets check if we have everything we need.

Director: A rocking dance, the mind blowing physique of your son, unbuttoned sleeveless shirts, Indian chic, Foreign chic, Bikini & two piece scenes, Triangular love, Chase scenes, Surreal stunts, gun shots, blood wrath and jumping off a cliff. From your side?

Producer: Many press conferences, my son praising the foreign chic for no reason, exaggerated interviews and a bot for incrementing the hits in the internet. Anything else?

Director: You're one of the best producers I have ever worked with.

Producer: Cool. Whats the story?

Director: With all those in the list, we can make something up. Mad movie goers will give us the returns by the opening weekend. And a confusing screenplay will blow the audiences' pretty dumb brains off.

Producer & Hero (unanimously) : Wow! You're one of the best directors we've ever worked with.

And the movie called BITES went on floor.